It’s no secret that Wall Street’s biggest movers and shakers have their eyes on Bitcoin.

The influx of Bitcoin ETF applications even sent Bitcoin cruising… for a while.

But what if TradFi isn’t content with just crypto adoption? What if they want a Web3 of their own, one with three-piece suits, secretaries, and cocaine?

Could this mean the end of crypto as we know it? Or could it be an incredible new start?

The Only Real Hacker Repellant

There’s still time to enter our Trezor Wallet giveaway!

Whether you’ve been a part of this community since the beginning or this is one of your first newsletters, you’re all about to be on board for a big Coffee & Crypto first.

We’re partnering with Trezor Wallets in our first giveaway!

To participate, all you have to do is refer a friend to Coffee & Crypto and you’ll be automatically entered for a chance to win one of five Trezor Model One Cold Wallets!

This is a win-win. You get to spread the good word of Coffee & Crypto while potentially winning a top-of-the-line cold wallet.

We wish we were you. They won’t let staff enter the raffle.

Espresso Shots

☕️ US Representative’s Crypto Crimes 🪙 👎

U.S. Rep. George Santos was brought under federal indictment and hit with 13 felony charges last May, including wire fraud and theft of public funds.

Santos has plead not guilty and maintained his innocence, but new, strange details have emerged.

It appears that Santos was running a classic version of the “Nigerian Prince” email scam, but putting a fun, crypto spin on it.

According to an anonymous campaign donor who spoke with The New York Times, Santos and two men approached the donor and told them that they needed money to unfreeze the assets of a wealthy Polish citizen who wanted to buy crypto.

When the donor pressed for more information, Santos and his accomplices reportedly asked for them to sign an NDA. When the donor asked for changes to the NDA, Santos and crew ghosted them.

While George Santos awaits his September court appearance, you can almost be certain he’s calling your grandma, already asking for bail in the form of Amazon gift cards.

☕️ Genesis and FTX Reach Agreement 🏢 🤝

Long-feuding crypto exchanges Genesis and FTX have finally reached an agreement regarding the $3.9 billion that FTX claims it’s owed by Genesis.

This agreement comes in the form of a joint letter sent to Judge Sean Lane, informing him that the exchanges have “reached an agreement in principle,” regarding the settlement.

The feud started when FTX filed a motion in May 2023 in an attempt to regain funds owed by debtors.

FTX insisted not only that Genesis owed $3.9 billion, but the motion stated that “Genesis was one of the main feeder funds for FTX and instrumental to its fraudulent business model," and had received avoidable transfers and cultivated a problematic relationship with FTX’s sister firm, Alameda Research.

Genesis, on the other hand, insisted that it owed FTX nothing. Genesis filed its own motion to have that FTX debt reduced to 0.

But now the firms have reached an agreement. Though, like all conflicts settled out of court, the details are still murky.

But we’re certain that Genesis and FTX settled the dispute in the traditional manner of crypto exchanges, by having their two strongest coders engage in a slap fight.

☕️ Death and Your Browsing History 💀 💾

What if you die without clearing your browser history? What if your friends and loved ones discover how strange and depraved you truly are?

Well, one tech platform is addressing this deepest of internet fears.

OperaGX is installing a deadman’s switch with a “Fake My History” function that will entirely rehaul the deceased user’s browser history.

"In case your nosy partner, parent or roommate opens Opera GX and sneaks a posthumous peek at your history, they can marvel at your bogus yet impeccable online tastes and the charmingly fictional exploits that fill your digital past," reads a statement from OperaGX Product Director Maciej Ko. "Bask in the glory of a phony yet plausibly sanitized browsing history that rivals the innocent escapades of the internet’s most virtuous users."

Now, we here at Coffee & Crypto have no need for this kind of tool. We don’t go to those sites.

But we’ve been talking and thinking that rather than a “Fake My History” function, we’d like a “Burn It All to the Ground” protocol which replaces your boring, normal browsing with the most startling kind of pornography.

Spilling the Beans

How Wall Street Will Ignite the Next Bull Run 🏦 🔥

If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a thousand times: crypto was created as a solution to the woes of traditional finance. It was always intended to be an alternative, not a partner.

So, we can’t help but feel that it defeats the purpose a little when the biggest names in Wall Street such as BlackRock, Fidelity, Wisdom Tree, and ARK Invest turn their green eyes to crypto.

But at the same time, we’re not complaining about the massive surge that their attention provided Bitcoin with. We’re all for mooning.

But maybe Wall Street isn’t content with merely adopting Bitcoin. Maybe they want to create their own.

That’s precisely what Chainlink cofounder Sergey Nazarov is proposing. Well, if not proposing, predicting.

Nazarov believes that it’s only a matter of time before major banks start developing their own blockchains.

“You have this public blockchain and internet of contracts primarily defined by DeFi, and you have this bank-chain world, which I think will be primarily defined by real-world asset tokens. The next stage will be getting these two worlds to overlap,” said Nazarov. “And when that happens, beyond the efficiencies and the gains for each of these groups, then you will see the blockchain industry as a whole, I think grow very, very rapidly by trillions of dollars.”

Nazarov sees this adoption occurring in three phases.

In the first stage, banks will focus on custody. This is essentially where we’re at now.

Banks hold crypto assets for themselves and their customers, on the respective crypto’s native chains. They maintain the security of those holdings as best they can.

Then, in the second stage, banks will begin tokenizing real-world assets. Essentially, as banks begin to create derivative assets for their existing crypto, they’ll be faced with the decision as to where those assets will be stored.

Now, Nazarov says that this is when banks are going to create their own, on-chain solutions. But there’s no chance it will stop there.

As Nazarov put it: “And what all of those departments are coming to as a conclusion is we have to have our own app chain because why am I going to pay fees to some other one, some other person’s chain? I’ll just have my own chain.”

If banks are going to create new storage solutions for tokenized assets, why stop there? They can cut out the middleman and create blockchain solutions for all of their crypto assets.

And thus begin the final and third stage. Banks created their own Defi, but with the tighter regulations we expect from traditional banks, and the benefit of building on the existing infrastructure of TradFi.

Now, Nazarov and Chainlink want to be the first to capitalize on this prediction. But if Nazarov’s prophecy is proven true, there’s going to be a lot of gains for all of us.

Trillions pouring into crypto is a tremendous development for those of us with holdings in the space. But at the same time, it’s right to be wary about what these TradFi innovations could mean.

Would a TradFi take on Web3 overlap with crypto as we know it, or would it consume it?

And while regulation and stability are important features of finance, part of what makes crypto crypto is that it’s outside the traditional financial structure.

Yes, crypto could become safer and easier to use. But something is always lost in sanitization. The Sex Pistols weren’t writing punk rock songs for radio play.

And if this all goes through, it could make crypto about as sexy as the Bank of America app.

But it’s much like selling a small business you spent decades building to a large, corporate chain. It’s hard to feel morally fraught when you could be getting a lot richer.

Premium Market Report

Spot

Top 10 Cryptocurrencies (Excluding Stablecoins)

☕️ Our Take:

Meme of the Day

Ahh, nothing like a little hit of DeFi in the morning. ⛓ 🪙

Crypto 101

Chainlink: This is a Web3 services platform responsible for providing real-world data to smart contracts on the blockchain.

And Chainlink, much like the name implies, is in the business of linking public blockchains together.

And if Co-Founder Sergey Nazarov is to be believed, Chainlink will also soon be in the business of helping major banks delicately tip-toe into the waters of blockchain tech.

The Last Sip

If Wall Street is going to develop its own blockchain tech, why stop there? Here are some more products we’d like to see Wall Street roll out.

Fat Cat Cat Food: Contains all the nutrients that cats need, with a heaping spoonful of caviar.

1% Milk: Why were all those hippies trying to Occupy Wall Street in 2011? Probably because they were lactose intolerant.

Black Tuesday: What if instead of day traders throwing themselves out of buildings, How about every year, probably around Thanksgiving, there’s a clearance sale on ticker screens? Take home your own financial analyst and turn your man cave into a stock exchange!

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

That's all for today! If this email got you hooked on our unhinged crypto takes, be sure to get a full dose on Twitter @GetCoffeeCrypto.

Want cutting-edge market analysis delivered to your inbox three times a week? Sign up for Premium Roast! We'll cut through the BS floating around on Twitter and CNBC and help you finally understand the markets, all for the price of a single cup of coffee.

If you find yourself smiling at any of our dumb jokes, or even *learning* something - make sure to share this newsletter with your friends!

If you get 5 friends to sign up - or even enemies, we don't care - we'll send you our Bitcoin Bootcamp Ebook! This thing is packed with info and is the ultimate guide to the world’s ultimate currency.

Just hit the Click to Share button in the section below to get started!

DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.