On the Eleventh day of Cryptmas, my true love gave to me: Eleven 'gm' tweets, Ten Block Rewards, Nine Twitter Polls, Eight Stablecoins, Seven Trump NFTs, Six Bitcoin mines, Five Gold Cold Wallets, Four federal inquiries, Three tax incentives, Two failing exchanges, and a Bored Ape and a gas fee.

It is now the fourth day of Chanukah.

Espresso Shots

☕️ Bernie Madoff’s Lawyer on SBF 💰 ❌

Ira Lee Sorkin, a partner at Mintz & Gold, is the lawyer who famously defended the man who committed the ultimate Ponzi scheme: Bernie Madoff.

Sorkin claims that if he were defending Bankman-Fried, SBF would be comporting himself very differently.

“No lawyer worth their salt is going to tell him to go out and hold press conferences and speak to groups,” said Sorkin. “[You don’t] go out and tell the world you made a mistake and you are negligent… you keep your mouth shut.”

In two words, Sorkin’s legal counsel to SBF would be simply to, “Shut up.”

Weirdly, this was the same advice Sorkin gave his daughter regarding her torah portion for her upcoming bat mitzvah. “Just shut up! Keep it short! You don’t owe anybody anything!”

☕️ Alaska's Crypto Frontier 🏔 ❄️

On December 19th, Alaska added “virtual currency” to its money transmission regulations.

Alaska aka The Last Frontier, is attempting to bring crypto into Alaskan life, but as of this January will require anyone, “engaging in money transmission activity involving virtual currency” to submit an application and acquire a money transmissions license.

This could be a very exciting time for Alaska’s economy, as Alaska is still one of the nine states that offers a 0% capital gains task to investors.

Alaskan financial experts predict that crypto could become the third most-traded currency in Alaska, following seal blubber and wolf teeth.

☕️ Pantera CEO Still Backs The Block 📈 🟦

Pantera CEO, Brian Morehead argues that FTX was a unique, condemnable circumstance and the blockchain can still be trusted.

Morehead feels that the best practice for safety in crypto is simply moving back to safer, more trustworthy exchanges.

“There are exchanges like Coinbase, Kraken, and Bitstamp that, when a client sends money to them, they just put it in a bank. The solution is pretty straightforward.”

It’s not the blockchain’s fault, it’s bad human behavior.

When Morehead is done defending the blockchain, he intends to take up the fight against pitbull discrimination. “It’s not the dogs, it’s the owners. They have a bite strength of 240 pounds per square inch. Which means we need to love them extra.”

Spilling the Beans

Trump NFTs Plummet 📉 🤬

After selling out the weekend after they were unveiled, the newly minted NFTs have had a tumultuous ride, currently down a whopping 60%.

The Trump Digital Trading cards were originally priced at $99 a pop and included real world incentives such as an invite to a group dinner, a one on one zoom with the former president, or a complimentary round of golf at one of his clubs.

Trump, though having gone on record as calling crypto, “dangerous” and “untrustworthy,” brought his usual wet-brained salesman charm to the launch.

“Collect all of your favorite Trump Digital Trading Cards, very much like a baseball card, but hopefully much more exciting,” Trump wrote. “Would make a great Christmas gift. Don’t Wait. They will be gone, I believe, very quickly!”

And Trump was well, totally right about this one.

The cards sold out in 24 hours.

And their price was bolstered by an SNL cold open in which James Austen Johnson’s flawless Trump pushed the NFTs or as he calls them, “Nifties. Cause they’re so nifty.

The Trump NFT collection has racked up a total of $8.7 million in secondary trades.

Last Saturday, the Trump NFTs floor price rose to about $990 or .84 ETH.

Just three days later they were down 74% and currently hovering just below .2 ETH.

Again, it’s been a tumultuous ride.

And yeah, all of the promises and incentives that came attached to the cards were either exaggerated or patently false.

The group dinner is a ticket to a fundraiser. The one-on-one zoom will actually have thousands of attendees. Still no word on the golf, but we imagine you’ll probably have to pay.

And to add more rubber to the already blazing tire fire, many of the Trump NFTs appear to be stolen or sloppily made art.

Several cursory reverse image searches and barely any digging revealed that many of the Trump cards contain images from a California costume shop or were just crudely photoshopped stock images.

That’s funny to us. These things were being traded for thousands of dollars. That is very funny.

Who knows what the future holds for Trump NFTs, but for now it’s our favorite digital, celebrity merchandise until Mike Pence releases shirtless action figures on the blockchain.

Meme of the Day

Ah, Alaska, the land of skies full of green 🤑

The Last Sip

Wait, sorry. We need to make a quick edit. Turns out that crypto isn’t the third most popular currency in Alaska. It’s actually the sixth most behind:

• Wolf Teeth

• Seal Blubber

• Walrus Tusks

• Petrified Wood

• That sweet, sweet crude oil just gushing through those pipelines.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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