Can your personality really be determined by a star chart?

Sure, that tattooed girl at the bar knows where Mercury was in the sky when you were born, but before this, the only mercury you were worried about was in that sketchy piece of fish you ordered off the happy hour menu.

And when you tell her this she rolls her eyes and says you’re “such a Taurus.”

But more than your star sign, there’s only one sign that you should really be thinking about.

And that is, is this last, greatest dip… Is this your sign to buy Bitcoin?

A Word Foam Our Sponsor

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Espresso Shots

☕️ FTX Returns! 👻 🪙

The long-expected inevitability is finally happening. The skeleton crew at the helm of FTX have announced their plans to relaunch the bankrupt exchange.

Current FTX CEO John J. Ray released an official statement regarding FTX’s rebirth.

“Our goal is to achieve a consensual plan and emergence from bankruptcy. We are committed to working through these matters in the third quarter of 2023 and to filing an amended plan and a disclosure statement in the fourth quarter of 2023.”

And a central part of that plan is organizing the parties who still hold substantial claims of FTX’s debt.

The first group to be addressed will be those with claims relating to FTX’s offshore exchange. This will be followed by parties with secured claims, general unsecured claims, subordinated claims, and customers of the NFT exchange.

It’s a long road back to legitimacy, but it’s worth it to re-establish a brand that nobody will ever trust again.

☕️ Judge Dismisses Ripple Precedent 🪙 ❌

In the case against Terraform Labs, the exchange’s defense lawyers have turned to the newly established Ripple precedent to establish a motion dismissing the SEC’s lawsuit against Terraform.

And the judge presiding over the case, in turn, dismissed… their dismissal.

Judge Jed Rakoff both rejected Terra’s lawyers’ citation of the Ripple precedent, in addition to the defense’s attempts to invoke the Major Questions Doctrine, arguing that crypto needs a clearer ruling from Congress before action can be taken against their client.

Rakoff wrote in his 50-page dismissal that "The crypto-currency industry, though certainly important, falls far short of being a 'portion of the American economy' bearing 'vast economic and political significance,’” citing the special circumstances of FDA v.

Brown & Williamson Tobacco Corp.

The dismissal has sent Terraform’s lawyers scrambling and has all of us hoping that one day, crypto can hold the legal respect of Kool Cigarettes or Red Crow chewing tobacco.

☕️ Could a Familiar Face be Behind BALD Rug Pull? 🕴 👀

BALD Token underwent a potential rug pull on Monday when an unknown developer drained the token’s liquidity pool, sending BALD on a 90% drop.

The crash is causing some in the crypto community to believe that the crash may have been orchestrated by a familiar face… Sam Bankman-Fried.

Part of the speculation surrounding the culprit behind the BALD rug pull is the language used by BALD posters such as “quite well” or “nor” which are trademarks of SBF’s syntax.

It’s possible, but not likely that SBF is behind the rug pull. As he’s still stationed in his parent’s basement with only limited and heavily surveilled use of the internet.

And if a man with so much hair is behind the BALD token scam, SBF’s trademark afro would almost certainly have to be a wig.

Spilling the Beans

This Is Your Sign to Buy Bitcoin 💰 🤑

Sometimes, when you’re at a crossroads and unsure of how to proceed, you’ll hope for a sign to tell you what to do.

It could be as simple as a clearance sale on a pair of shoes you’re just not sure about, or it could be a burning bush telling you to free your people from Egypt.

And maybe when it comes to buying Bitcoin, you’re still waiting for that sign.

But we’re here to tell you that this is your sign. The sign has arrived.

“Buy the dip” is the ultimate financial cliché, but like every good cliché, it became that popular because of its fundamental truth.

Bitcoin’s down. It’s been down for weeks. Is it going to stay that way? Absolutely not, if anything Bitcoin’s poised for another bull run.

Why? You might remember that wave of Bitcoin ETF applications that are currently under SEC review.

It means big money, and big change for crypto. Those ETFs are all backed by some of the biggest names in the financial world, including BlackRock, Fidelity, and ARK Invest.

But the SEC has shown time and time again that it’s not just bearish on crypto, it’s outright hostile.

But regulatory sentiments aside, Bitcoin was pumping in the immediate aftermath of the good news from TradFi’s interest. And billions of consumer dollars and institutional attention meant the price can only go up.

But now, we’re in that twilit-in-between phase between making an order for delivery and when the food finally arrives.

But, rather than just twiddle our thumbs and make small talk, now is the time for action.

Bitcoin ran out of good news to bank on. Investors soured or lost interest. But this isn’t the time to lose focus.

Because yes, Bitcoin seriously dipped to around the $29,000 mark, but this may be the last, great dip before Bitcoin moons again.

There’s a very good chance that the majority of these ETF applications will be rejected. But the sheer number and institutional weight behind them mean that at least one will have to be approved.

Whether that’s BlackRock, Fidelity, WisdomTree, Invesco, all of them, or one of the many others, it’s going to mean huge things for Bitcoin.

And you want to own Bitcoin before that happens. If you’re currently holding BTC, HODL on. If you’ve somehow never acquired crypto’s poster-coin, now is the time to buy.

When one of these ETFs is approved, Bitcoin will surge, it’s an inevitability.

As always, this newsletter does not constitute legal investment advice.

But, dear reader, we like to think of you as a friend. And friend-to-friend? We’d bet on the sure thing.

Though in some ways, investing is like gambling and there are no sure things. But our favorite type of gambling is horse racing.

And to continue this metaphor, Bitcoin would be SeaBiscuit during his 1930s Triple Crown Run. Yes, this horse may be tired, but he’s still a champion, he’ll be back. He’s Seabiscuit.

Meme of the Day

This next bull run is shaping up to be wild. 🏇🤯

Crypto 101

Rugpull: It’s a classic scam in which the developers and backers hype a crypto, garner massive investor interest and funds (sometimes creating artificial interest with their own money), and then swiftly disappear with the investors’ assets.

Two of the largest and earliest crypto rug pulls were the NFT collection Frosties, and then OneCoin, which was revealed to be a classic Ponzi scheme.

BALD Token wasn’t the first rug pull and it certainly won’t be the last. Be smart, DYOR, and protect yourself.

The Last Sip

BALD Token turned out to be a big nothing. Another memecoin pumped by people with nothing but bad intentions. But if it wasn’t a scam, we like to think it would give rise to entire, male-pattern-baldness-focused DeFi, with language like this.

Bitcoin Hair-Lining: Rather than independent rigs mining Bitcoin, what if that awesome computational power was turned to the ever-losing battle against receding hairlines?

Toupe-2-Peer: A computing system in which users can communicate and transact with other users wearing brutal, unconvincing hair pieces.

Ro-Gains: More than just a hair growth foam, these are the quick profits made by those who got in, and got out of BALD token, just in time.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.