☕️ The Senator Sworn to Defeat Crypto 💥 💰

🌩 Elizabeth Warren’s coming for your crypto. 🥷

Elizabeth Warren was bragging back in 2021 that she was building an “anti-crypto army.”

And as crypto begins to get a foothold in Washington, Warren has redoubled her efforts to shut it down.

But will Elizabeth Warren be able to defeat crypto? Or will she bungle this just like her 2020 presidential bid?

Espresso Shots

☕️ Celsius Sales Could End Bankruptcy ☠ 💳

The Celsius debtors have sold around $250 million in ETH in the past months, which would end bankruptcy for Mining NewCo, the mining firm that Celsius transitioned into.

Based on these proceedings, it’s estimated that the entity formerly known as Celsius could exit bankruptcy as early as January.

Much of this plan was coordinated by Fahrenheit aka NewCo, a consortium led by Arrington Capital which acquired a minority stake in the bankrupt Celsius.

If you’re wondering what the difference between Fahrenheit and Celsius is, one is easy to understand and the other is absolutely indecipherable.

☕️ Judge Denies Delay of SBF Sentencing 👩‍⚖️ 🚫

Judge Lewis Kaplan has denied SBF’s request for a four-to-six-week adjournment of his sentencing.

If passed, the motion would have granted SBF and his team more time to prepare for a pre-sentencing interview.

Additionally, there may be a second trial for SBF considering the five “severed” charges that he objected to, as they were not in the original indictment that spurred his legal extradition from the Bahamas.

If a second trial takes place, it is currently slated for March 11th, 2024.

Judge Kaplan appears to be aiming for a fair and speedy trial, with little to no changes in scheduling.

“That’s… not very Christmassy,” muttered SBF’s defense.

☕️ ARK’s Christmas Sale 🎅 🤑

In December, Cathie Wood’s ARK Invest has sold a combined total of over $200 million worth of Coinbase stock (COIN) and Grayscale Bitcoin Trust (GBTC).

ARK sold of roughly $196.8 million in Coinbase shares and has continuously offloaded smaller increments of GBTC.

On some level, this is part of standard operating procedure at ARK, which never allows over 10% of its holding to subsist of a single company, to limit exposure.

With COIN’s hike this year, it’s no surprise that ARK’s COIN holdings rose well above the 10% mark.

And honestly, ARK Invest probably had no idea what to do with all that COIN after they finished filling out their cardboard map of all fifty states.

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Spilling the Beans

Warren’s War on Crypto 🧓

Elizabeth Warren.

If you showed a picture of Elizabeth Warren to average Americans on the street, maybe they’d recognize a Massachusetts state senator.

Maybe more likely, they’d recall Warren’s Trump-provided nickname, “Pocohantas,” for Warren’s dubious claims about her indigenous heritage.

Weirdly, what we’ll always remember is that cringey video of Elizabeth Warren trying to look relatable by drinking a beer in a 2019 Instagram video.

Warren’s “I’m gonna get me a beer,” is her version of Hillary Clinton’s “I keep hot sauce in my purse,” a disingenuous attempt to come across as a woman of the people.

Honestly, Warren seems like a person who wouldn’t enjoy a pitcher of beer half as much as she’d like to shush you in a library.

But the latest developments from Warren’s camp have us feeling less inclined than ever to crack a cold one with her.

Elizabeth Warren is in open conflict with crypto.

As part of her reelection campaign, Warren made crypto her number one target and has long been boasting that she’s “building an anti-crypto army”.

But what does an anti-crypto army actually look like?

In practice, it means that Warren is recruiting senators to oppose crypto’s growing foothold in Washington.

In previous newsletters, we’ve covered the Blockchain Association and various Super PACs’ lobbying efforts, a staggering $78 million raised in three months.

But Warren’s having none of it. Warren has recruited several senators to push back against crypto’s progress, highlighting the industry’s contributions to fentanyl distribution, money laundering, and financing terror groups.

Yes, Warren has penned several letters to the Blockchain Association, other senators, and really anyone who will listen, to inform them that crypto is one of the greatest threats facing our nation.

And we can’t help but feel that Senator Warren is entirely missing the mark on this one.

Yes, terrorism, fentanyl, and money laundering are all serious issues. But you know what else funds those problems? Money. Cash. Even barter systems.

In Elizabeth Warren’s erroneous war on crypto, she might as well be taking the fight against the entire notion of mercantile.

Crypto isn’t inherently good or bad, it’s a store of value with yes, certain special utilities. But Elizabeth Warren is worried about crypto’s ability to bypass U.S. sanctions, but you know what else can bypass U.S. sanctions? A briefcase full of cash on an airplane.

There are plenty of real American problems and Elizabeth Warren is creating needless hysteria around an industry that’s only going to strengthen our nation’s economy.

We’d urge Senator Warren to take a seat, calm down, and use this holiday season to reflect. Maybe she could chill out and take a couple hits from that traditional peace pipe she stole from the Natural History Museum.

Crypto 101

ASIC: The Application-Specific Integrated Circuit.

This is mining hardware created with the express purpose of mining Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies.

The Last Sip

The Last Sip: Yes, Elizabeth Warren claimed to have a heritage dating back to the Cherokee nation. She released a DNA test in 2019 which proved that she did have some native ancestry, but the move backfired and her PR stunt was widely criticized by the Cherokee Nation, even prompting Warren to issue an apology. It’s kind of like that Lizzo song, but Elizabeth Warren took a DNA test and turns out she’s a hundred percent an embarrassing dork.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.