Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.

The value of friendship is one of our earliest childhood lessons. But what if friendship is far more valuable than any of us realize?

And no, we’re not talking about picking you up when you’re down, listening to your problems, or having a strong support system.

We’re talking about cold, hard cash. Or in this case, crypto.

Yes, friendships are priceless. But a new app can tell you exactly how much they’re worth.

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Espresso Shots

☕️ Trash to Bitcoin ♻ 🪙

Nodal Power, a startup that offers green energy solutions, just announced that it has secured $13 million in seed funding to focus on harnessing the run-off methane from landfills and converting it to renewable energy.

The harnessed methane gas will be converted into electricity, some of which will be dispatched to power local energy grids.

But not all of that electricity will be sold off. Some of Nodal Power’s repurposed methane will be used by Nodal Power to secure its blockchain and directly power its clean bitcoin mining operation.

Interesting that Nodal Power secured $13 million in seed funding, while my girlfriend just threw my attempt to create a homemade bitcoin mining rig involving a Nintendo Gamecube, a broken microwave, and 48 Bud Light cans, into the garbage.

☕️ BNB Hits One-Year Low 🏏 🔻

Binance’s BNB coin has fallen to a one-year low from external forces mounting against the exchange and possible violations of sanctions against Russia.

The drop in BNB comes after The Wall Street Journal reported that Binance may have helped Russians move money abroad in flagrant violation of international sanctions.

And that recent development is coupled with Binance’s licensing struggles internationally, as the firm’s increasingly shady reputation has forced it to retreat from nation after nation.

That’s not to mention the pending SEC lawsuit against Binance, for Binance.us’ noncompliance, commingling customer funds, and even allegations that Changpeng Zhao and other top executives had purchased a yacht with customer crypto.

But if BNB continues to fall, future yachts may be out of the question, and CZ and the other top dogs will have to go all-in on a paddleboat.

☕️ A Life Sentence for Crypto Mining 👨‍⚖️ ⛏

The Chinese government dealt a life sentence to Yi-Xiao, a former government official, for his criminal involvement in crypto mining.

Crypto mining was banned in Mainland China starting on September 2021.

The trial, which took place in Hangzhou, found that Yi-Xiao accepted more than 125 million yuan ($17.1 million) in bribes during his tenure as vice chairman of the Jiangxi provincial committee of the People’s political consultative conference.

For his crimes, Xi-Yao has been sentenced to life in prison, and lost all of his political rights and personal property.

Reportedly, Chinese officials considered condemning Xi-Yao to a life of working in China’s copper mines, but were afraid he’d love it.

Spilling the Beans

Sell Your Friends... Earn Crypto? 💵 👬

As we advance into the digital age, there still exist some… intangible qualities to life that can’t fit a digital format.

But it seems like sex, love, marriage, and which restaurant has the best tiramisu, all of the answers live online.

And the digital space will reward you for your loyalty.

Do you look good? Does your life seem cool? Instagram is going to reward you with followers and advertising contracts.

X (formerly Twitter) rewards writing clever little blurbs with social capital and internet fame.

So, it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise, given the digital hellscape we all live in, that the powers that be would eventually come for human friendship.

Friend.tech, a new app, allows users to trade and collect shares of themselves linked to their social media accounts.

And you don’t just have to invest in yourself. No matter what self-help gurus tell you, you can also buy and sell shares of your friends, favorite celebrities, or any other participating accounts.

And by purchasing shares of your friends or celebrities, users are granted access to private chatrooms where they can interact with their “investment.”

Friend.tech’s VIP access has already drawn parallels with OnlyFans, with some referring to the new app as “OnlyFriends” “OnlyDudes” or “OnlyFans for Crypto Bros.”

As Friend.tech’s homepage proudly proclaims, Friend.tech is “the marketplace for your friends”.

And Friend.tech’s concept sounds both revolutionary and dystopian, but human mercantile has been around for centuries.

It was the buying and selling of humanity that provoked the American Civil War. Okay, that’s a pretty extreme comparison, and this isn’t slavery. Slavery meant ownership, Friend.tech means investing.

But outside human trafficking, this is a practice that has been tried before, fairly recently. And it failed.

BitClout, launched in 2021, also tried to blend social media and investing by allowing users to link their accounts to “creator coins” which would fluctuate with their social media clout.

But BitClout fell apart due to a lawsuit from Brandon Curtis, who alleged that BitClout had used his name and likeness without his consent.

Now, Friend.tech is already enjoying far more success than BitClout.

Friend.tech has become the second-largest revenue-producing crypto protocol in the two weeks since its launch, driving millions in ETH trades.

And Friend.tech has already garnered the attention of the celebrity accounts it will need to thrive, such as NBA players and the FaZe Clan.

But some believe this trend can’t last, and will likely crash upon the same rocky legal shores that sank BitClout.

Is Friend.tech getting too big, too fast?

Crypto commentator “Yazan” spoke to Cointelegraph, claiming: “I give it six to eight weeks” before Friend.tech starts to implode.

So, yes, it’s unclear how long Friend.tech will last. Will it have long-term success, or will it become another BitClout?

In the meantime, we think it’s safe to take a position of absolute paranoia.

Is anybody actually being nice to you? Or are they just positioning themselves to sell off your social stock?

Trust no one. And remember, no matter what they say, they’re not your friends, they’re your shareholders.

Meme of the Day

Ahh yes, “friend gambling”. However could it go wrong? 🙂

Crypto 101

Vaults: You’re probably already familiar with crypto wallets, which serve not only as a secure place to store your crypto, but also as a platform from which to conduct transactions.

A crypto vault, unlike a wallet, is completely inert, involving no transactions.

Though a vault doesn’t come with transaction utility, it’s still more secure than a wallet, since most crypto vaults include additional verification and security features.

The Last Sip

Friend.tech promises a stock market of human friendships. We have some other pitches for horrifying blends of humanity and finance.

Divorce.dsi: Betting pools on how long a marriage is going to last.

Executor.io: Let a public forum decide the contents of your will!

OnlyFetuses: Behind a paywall, strangers can decide if your ultrasound pics look more like a boy, a girl, or a salamander.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.