There are some forces we understand. We know that it’s the gravitational pull of the sun that makes the Earth turn.

And the gravitational pull of the moon controls the tides. The sky is blue because of the reflection of the ocean.

But what mysterious force controls the crypto market?

Well, the shocking answer is that it’s a single man... An angry man with a little goatee, one that your dad has probably already heard of. 

And all of our fates are in his hands.

Espresso Shots

☕️ The ETF Boom 🚀 💥 

In just the first thirty minutes of trading on Thursday morning, Bitcoin ETFs surpassed $1 billion in volume.

In the morning, Grayscale’s ETF took an early lead with over $456 million in volume, followed by Blackrock’s iShares ETF at $388 million.

Of course that $1 billion was later dwarfed. Over $4.6 billion had been invested into Bitcoin ETFs by end of day Thursday.

Of that $4.6 billion, a whopping half had been invested into Grayscale’s $GBTC. Grayscale’s dominance is hardly surprising, though it is notable given that the firm’s 1.5% brokerage fee is significantly higher than any other fund.

Now that the ETF frenzy has died down, production assistants from Discovery Channel were seen removing several picked-clean cow skeletons from Wall Street offices.

☕️ Bitcoin Soars… and Falls 📈📉

In the wake of the Bitcoin ETF approvals, Bitcoin soared over $49,000, its highest point in over two years.

At its peak, Bitcoin reached $49,102 but fell almost immediately and sits around the $46,308 mark at the time of writing.

On Wednesday morning alone, Bitcoin saw roughly $52 billion in trading volume by 7 am ET.

Analysts are calling this period of ETF celebration and adoption, “market euphoria.”

Market Euphoria, is also exactly what HBO tried to do to millennials to convince us that our high school experiences were actually lame.

☕️ Circle Files for IPO ⭕️

Circle Internet Financial has begun making moves toward its Initial Public Offering.

Circle, the issuer behind USDC, filed a draft registration statement of Form S-1 with the SEC.

Circle had planned to go public back in 2021, with an initial valuation of $9 billion, but the deal fell through.

Naturally, if Circle is going to begin selling shares to the public, there should be an advertising effort and a rebrand. We were thinking, “Circle: The Geological Enemy of the Pyramid Scheme.”

Spilling the Beans

🤬 Mad Bitcoin 🤑 

Okay, you’re probably wondering who is the master architect behind the crypto market.

How could one entity be responsible for all of it? Are we about to reveal to you the secret identity of Satoshi Nakamoto? Or the true face of God?

No, the crypto market’s most powerful, driving force is none other than Jim Cramer.

Just kidding. But not really.

Strangely enough, Jim Cramer has become as infamous of a market indicator as the McRib Effect.

When Mad Money first aired in 2005, Jim Cramer aimed to present programming that demystified the stock market and made finance more accessible to Americans watching at home.

And he was successful, at least, certainly more successful than in his law career or as a hedge fund manager.

But we’re talking about viewership and cultural staying power here, not Cramer’s stock picks.

In fact, Cramer’s recommendations and predictions have been so consistently bad that you could set a clock by them, or maybe even create an index.

And of course, someone has.

The Inverse Cramer Index accounts for Jim Cramer’s predictions and then operates based on the assumption that the opposite will occur.

Naturally, it’s more of an ad hominem gibe than a serious investing strategy, but the research is out there!

And based on the Inverse Cramer Index… we could all be in trouble.

Because Jim Cramer is officially bullish on Bitcoin.

In a segment with CNBC, Cramer touted Bitcoin as a “technological marvel” and insisted that Bitcoin is “here to stay.”

“Let’s stop fooling around. You want bitcoin, buy bitcoin. (But) I think bitcoin is topping out,” said Cramer. 

So, if Cramer thinks that Bitcoin is topping out, does this mean that Bitcoin’s bull run will continue into the stratosphere?

Or does Cramer’s assertion that Bitcoin is “here to stay,” mean that Bitcoin’s days are numbered and crypto’s going to be just… over?

Well, before you start pulling your hair out, remember that the Inverse Cramer Index is basically joke data.

Consider this disclaimer from Quantbase’s graph:

“This is an inverse Jim Cramer Index. Although built in an optimized fashion to minimize the risk taken on as an investor, it is still based on very unique, potentially erratic underlying data.”

Yes, the Inverse Cramer Index is erratic, but before we entirely write this theorem off, we’d need to try a little experiment.

We really need Jim Cramer to say, “Coffee & Crypto is entirely irrelevant and played out,” and then maybe, something like, “Your ex-wife is never coming back.”

The Last Sip

We’d be derelict in our duty if we invoked the Inverse Cramer Index without mentioning the Kramer Net Calculator, which estimates personal, cultural wealth based on an individual’s familiarity with Seinfeld quotes.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.