It’s February 16th and the anniversary of the opening of King Tut’s tomb. And apparently there wasn’t any curse put on the egyptologists that finally cracked that bad boy open. 

That was all hear-say. But, in addition to the anniversary of one of the biggest archaeological finds, it’s also my dad’s birthday! 

So, whether you’re celebrating your mummy or your daddy today, let’s dive beneath the sands into the musty tomb of our newsletter.

Espresso Shots

☕️ Bull Run is Back! 🐂 📈 

After some turbulent waters and the first losses of 2023, Bitcoin has soared past $24,000.

Is this the Bull Run we’ve all been dreaming of? Bitcoin surged more than 10% in 24 hours before hitting the two week high of $24,700. 

It turns out, a rising tide lifts all boats! Ethereum was up 9% and Coinbase stock ended Wednesday up over 17% at $69. Nice. 

Only time can tell if crypto winter is truly thawing but 2023 already feels significantly better than 2022: which was an incredibly low bar. 

So as crypto spring looms just out of sight, breath that crisp air, hear the birds chirping “gm”, see the BoredApes are swinging from tree to tree. Nature is healing.

☕️ SBF Bond Signers Revealed! 📝 👀

The identities of the two individuals who co-signed Sam Bankman-Fried’s bail bond have finally been revealed.

Court documents revealed their names to be Andreas Paepcke and Larry Kramer.

Paepcke is a Senior Research Scientist at Stanford who put up $200,000. Kramer was a former Dean at Stanford Law who put up $500,000. 

Though both Joe Bankman and Barbara Fried have stepped away from their posts as  Stanford Law professors, they clearly still have strong support among their colleagues.

Kramer explained his support for the Bankman-Fried family, saying they have been close friends since the 90s. He went on to describe their relationship further

“During the past two years, while my family faced a harrowing battle with cancer, they have been the truest of friends– bringing food, providing moral support and frequently stepping in at a moment’s notice to help,” 

Kramer concluded, “In turn, we have sought to support them as they face their own crisis.”

Despite all the whisperings of some nefarious secret dealings with other crypto millionaires and billionaires, in the end, it turned out just to be an old friend helping out.

Just middle-aged friends helping each other out. Not even really funny, just kinda touching.

☕️ Keanu Loves Crypto 🎬 ❤️

Keanu Reeves, in a recent interview with Wired Magazine, insisted that criticism of crypto was only going to make it better.

The interview was part of a press junket promoting John Wick 4. 

“I think the principle, the ideas behind an independent currency, are amazing,” said Reeves. “To pooh-pooh crypto, or the volatility of cryptocurrency, it’s only going to make it better in terms of how it’s safeguarded.”

Reeves also admitted that he, “has a little HODL,” as he’s kept some crypto that he’d been gifted by a friend.

Reeves became involved in the NFT space during promotions for Matrix Resurrections, serving as an advisor for the digital charity, The Futurverse Foundation, which sponsors artists trying to enter the NFT space.

Off the record, Reeves admitted that if the market ever really goes to shit he’s going to break through his kitchen floor and get, like, a lot of guns.

Spilling the Beans

SBF's Online Dealings 🧑🏻‍💻

Sam Bankman-Fried was granted the highest bail in the history of American crime.

We don’t want to dispute his legacy and put qualifiers on that, but we’re going to anyway. 

It’s kinda like every couple years we have to hear about how so-and-so was the highest grossing movie of all time.

Sorry folks but inflation: exists.

As time inevitably marches forward, so too will prices march up. Apparently bail is just the same.

Enter Sam Bankman-Fried’s $250 million bail. And despite the seemingly insurmountable fee, SBF was actually able to post bail… or was he? 

Sam Bankman-Fried’s parents posted their $4 million Palo Alto home as bail, and had two non-family members sign as well. 

Essentially, the $250 million is largely symbolic unless Sam suddenly disappears…

If that happens, his parents would lose their home and they (and their former colleagues) would suddenly be on the hook for the whopping nine-figure sum. 

So, what exactly is going on in that home of theirs? How has Sam been staying occupied? 

According to prosecutors, by causing more trouble. 

There have already been actions taken against SBF as he tried to use encrypted messages to reach out to former staff at FTX and Alameda.

The prosecution are certain this amounts to witness tampering, but from another, sadder perspective, it’s more than likely that the Venn diagram of Sam’s professional and personal life were a perfect circle.

These former employees are probably the closest thing he has to friends.

But despite cracking down on communication restrictions, SBF seems like he can’t help himself.

Bankman-Fried was caught using a VPN this week, prompting yet another bail restriction from his judge.

If you don’t know what a VPN is, just scroll down to the Crypto 101 section of this newsletter. We’ll fill you in.

SBF’s defense team protested that he wasn’t using the VPN for any criminal activity.

They argued he was using the VPN to access his NFL Game Pass subscription so he could watch the weeks leading up to the NFC and AFC championships as well as the Super Bowl.

But c’mon, do we buy this? Does Sam Bankman-Fried really seem like a guy that follows football? 

All kidding aside, it’s entirely possible that SBF could have an entire host of normal, male interests.

But it’s also entirely possible, and the prosecution and Judge Kaplan were right to consider this, that a guy as smart as SBF could be using a VPN to access hidden caches of crypto.

He could also be using a VPN to get back into messaging those former employees that we mentioned earlier.

The whole point of a VPN is: we don’t know what he was doing when he was on it, and that’s inherently problematic. 

Tech experts as prolific as Sam are very likely in the habit of using VPNs to limit their exposure to all sorts of things, but those folks aren’t on bail being surveilled by the federal government. 

We’re already anticipating future bail restrictions on Sam as the U.S. justice system unveils the first ever finger monitors to keep SBF from typing sneaky little messages.

Meme of the Day

Here's hoping sad Keanu bought the dip 😎

Crypto 101

VPN: It stands for Virtual Private Network and is an indispensable tool when it comes to protecting your privacy online.

VPNs create secure connections between networks and personal devices without leaving you exposed to the risks of using a public connection. VPNs also make sure your browser data is essentially unreadable by your internet service provider.

VPNs are extremely useful for watching content from another country, using public wifi networks, visiting NSFW websites, and witness tampering.

The Last Sip

Based on Keanu Reeve’s enthusiasm for crypto, we considered how some of his timeless characters would react to crypto.

• Neo: Technically, all currency in the Matrix is cryptocurrency. It’s no big deal to Neo. He’s already using digital currency to buy milk.

• John Wick: He’s the first assassin to turn his 2.5 inch cold wallet into a deadly weapon.

• Ted Logan: He’s never applied any critical thought to anything, but feels that U.S. regulation is “bogus” and decentralized finance is “most excellent.”

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.