You trust us, right? Well, we want to trust you.

There’s a lot of heat on us right now and if you’re gonna be a part of our subscriber base, we’re gonna need some assurance. 

You see that newsletter down there? We’re gonna need you to take a big hit, in front of everybody.

Good. Wasn’t that nice? Now that we know you’re not a cop, it’s time to meet the rest of the crew. And also finish that newsletter, that’s good stuff.

Espresso Shots

☕️ Coinbase Spends $100 Million in Settlement 💰 💵

In a settlement between Coinbase and the New York State Department of Financial Services, Coinbase has agreed to spend a total of $100 Million to correct compliance issues.

The settlement, announced Wednesday, marks the end of a years-long investigation into Coinbase’s lackluster background checks of their own customers as well as failure to monitor suspicious activity on Coinbase accounts.

New York State regulators found that Coinbase had a backlog of over 100,000 suspicious customer transactions that they didn’t properly examine.

In addition to paying a $50 million fine to New York state, Coinbase will also be forced to spend $50 million to bolster its compliance program, intended to prevent criminals from joining and using Coinbase for illicit means.

This is bad news for my buddy back home who has been using Coinbase to move money from selling bootleg DVDs behind the Taco Bell back home.

☕️ Israel to Establish Crypto Regulation 🇮🇱 🔐

As Israel becomes host to more crypto companies and innovation, the Israeli Securities Authority has released a new regulatory framework.

The regulatory framework aims to reduce the risk of investing in digital assets while simultaneously embracing the digital asset ecosystem and all of the potential it can bring to the country’s economy.

In one section, the proposal gets particularly bullish on crypto, claiming the technology has the potential to encourage “innovation and growth.”

“In particular, the advanced technology in these assets can lead to economic efficiency in many areas, reduce costs, save the need for intermediaries and optimize the way information is transferred between entities.”

The proposal goes on to ask for regulatory authority for the Securities Authority, including the right to issue licenses and ensure companies have adequate capital to accept investments.

It’s a bullish yet cautious plan that’s making us just a little bit jealous. Here’s hoping we can do the sensible thing and continue the great western tradition of stealing from the Middle East.

☕️ SEC Puts Binance US Voyager Deal on Pause ⏸️ 💵

Facing heightened scrutiny for obvious reasons, the crypto industry’s latest mega-deal is now on pause due to concerns from the SEC.

In a court document filed in the Southern District of New York, the SEC has asked for additional information from both parties in Binance US’s proposed takeover of Voyager, the bankrupt crypto exchange.

Namely, the SEC wants to know: How can Binance US possibly afford this deal?

The court filing specifically asks for more information regarding: “The ability of Binance US to consummate a transaction of this magnitude, which the Debtors value at $1.022 billion,”

The SEC also wants assurances that Binance US can continue to operate its business fully after the deal is closed.

In other words, the SEC clearly has some PTSD from the collapse of FTX which came after FTX went on a massive buying spree of major crypto assets - including Voyager, a deal which fell through after FTX’s untimely demise.

As the deal to purchase Voyager looks up in the air once again, we here at Coffee & Crypto would like to throw our hats in the ring and offer the Voyager team four bags of coffee beans and a $50 Amazon gift card. Let us know, Voyager.

Spilling the Beans

Who is the Ultimate Crypto Cop? 🚔 👮‍♀️

When we say the phrase, “Crypto Cop,” there are probably a couple images that immediately come to mind.

Maybe it’s a digital Robocop outfitted in his power armor, his iconic visor scanning for cyber crime.

Or it’s a rain-soaked Harrison Ford, smoking cigarette after cigarette as he interrogates crypto bros masquerading as human beings. His silent partner stands behind him making useless origami.

But unfortunately for our imaginations, reality’s Crypto Cops are going to look less like science fiction and a lot more like accountants with law degrees.

In fact, the ultimate Crypto Cop won’t be a single individual. It will be an agency. But which one?

America’s designated “Crypto Cop” is a badge not yet pinned to any one agency’s lapel. But that could change.

Over the last few weeks and months, a few agencies have stood up to throw their service caps in the ring: the SEC, the Federal Reserve, and even some Congressional Committees.

So, who will remain when the regulatory Mexican standoff dust settles?

Arguably, this is the SEC’s badge to lose.

The SEC has been the de facto regulatory agency facing down crypto crimes and securities violations over the last few years.

So why would that change?

Well, in short, they’ve done a pretty bad job of late…

For all the headlines the SEC seems to make, they haven’t exactly protected anyone from 2022’s fallout.

The SEC seems to sue another crypto company every few days and yet they completely missed the collapse of FTX, Celsius, and Terra Labs.

Each of those companies collapsed without a word of warning or caution from the SEC.

All of which might not be worth mentioning but for the fact that SEC Chairman Gary Gensler was a bit too close to disgraced former FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried.

So if the SEC wants to get in the game, they’ve gotta come to play.

Meanwhile, earlier this week the Federal Reserve spearheaded a scolding letter to American Banks warning them about the dangers of Crypto.

It’s hard to say if the scolding letter will do much of anything as it did kind of read like a Crypto D.A.R.E. pamphlet. And it’ll probably be equally as effective.

Meanwhile, congress has largely continued to hold vague committee hearings, issue warnings, and write sternly worded letters. So they’re less cops and maybe more of a Crypto Neighborhood Watch.

Ultimately the role of America’s Crypto Cop has yet to be filled, and it may take genuine regulation and new policy for anything to change… so maybe don’t hold your breath.

While Crypto Cops have yet to become a fully realized taskforce, we’re already certain that upon its creation, the Dark Web will be disproportionately targeted.

Meme of the Day

Never make an enemy out of Chief Wiggum. There's a new crypto cop in Springfield!

The Last Sip

Rules for being a part of this Newsletter.

1. Talk about the Newsletter.

That’s right, tell your friends, your coworkers, your loved ones. Word of mouth is a powerful tool and we want to bring you some laughs, but also facilitate conversation.

2. When someone says stop, taps out, or goes limp, the Newsletter is over. 

This isn’t Murder Club, it’s our crypto, counter-culture newsletter conglomerate.

3. Read the novel, Fight Club.

Not the movie, we know it’s good. Read the book, even if you know the twist, Pahlaniuk’s work is extremely worth your time. If you like it, read Haunted.

4. The Newsletter Goes As Long as It Has To.

Or about 1,400 words, give or take, depends on the news day.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

That's all for today! If this email got you hooked on our unhinged crypto takes, be sure to get a full dose on Twitter @GetCoffeeCrypto.

If you find yourself smiling at any of our dumb jokes, or even *learning* something - make sure to share this newsletter with your friends!

If you get 10 friends to sign up - or even enemies, we don't care - we'll send you a swag box with some epic Coffee & Crypto merch! Just hit the Click to Share button in the section below to get started!

DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.