It’s the Monday before Thanksgiving! 🦃

Time to book those last sessions with your therapist before you see the extended family.

Oh, And don’t forget to pack that sweater that Mom got you last Christmas, the one that just sits in the back of your closet. It will mean a lot to her to see you wearing it!

Espresso Shots

☕️ FTX Hacker on the Move! 🏃‍♂️💨

The supposed hacker of hundreds of millions of FTX funds began transferring some of those funds early Sunday morning. 

Adding insult to injury: FTX believes the unauthorized transfer of funds came from the Bahamian authorities and Sam Bankman-Fried.

Regardless of the identity of the hacker, they were on the move early Sunday morning as tens of millions of dollars in crypto assets were transferred to a new wallet and then funneled out of it shortly after. 

It seems the “hacker” may have a sense of humor as well, as they moved thousands of Ether using the Ren Protocol, a protocol heavily tied to Alameda Research and SBF.

But the Ren Protocol is still decidedly different from the Kylo Ren Protocol, which allows users to change their voices and develop gnarly facial scars. 

☕️ FTX Stripped for Parts... 🛠 🏎

FTX and a hundred of its affiliated companies across the globe announced this weekend that they’re beginning the process of reviewing all of their assets. 

This is an attempt to recover as much value as possible for their stakeholders. 

In other words:

FTX is beginning a thorough look under the hood of their totaled car. If they find anything that works, they’ll strip it for parts to get as much out of it as they can. 

In this mission, FTX’s new CEO John Ray III expressed hope, saying: 

This bodes well for Ray in what might soon become an FTX fire sale!

So when you’re doing your Black Friday shopping, be on the lookout for a crypto exchange being offered at a 12,000% discount. But it might be more trouble than it's worth.

☕️ Snowden Calls Out Coinbase ❄️ 🪙

Edward Snowden, the famous NSA whistleblower, blew his horn once again to call out Coinbase.

Snowden feels that Coinbase is trying to insert itself into crypto the way that Facebook dominated social media. It’s a sort of Band-Aid effect, where one brand becomes synonymous with the space.

Snowden told a crowd of 75 at Camp Decrypt, a four-day crypto summit in Napa Valley.

Once Snowden is done criticizing Coinbase, he intends to lead his cabin in canoe lessons before dividing up into teams for the color wars.

Spilling the Beans

Twitter’s Great Resignation 🐥 📉

It’s becoming abundantly clear that much of Twitter’s workforce aren’t interested in being a part of Elon Musk’s “hardcore,” new Twitter.

Musk sent a company-wide email last Thursday stating:

Musk was then seen shotgunning a can of monster energy drink before smashing the can into his forehead. 

This email included a google form with a “Yes,” button for employees to easily sign onto Twitter’s next, epic (eye-roll) incarnation.

“I’m not pressing the button. My watch ends with Twitter 1.0. I do not wish to be a part of Twitter 2.0.” said one Twitter Staffer.

And they’re not alone in that feeling...

Hundreds of (now former) Twitter employees opted for a three month's severance rather than climbing on board with whatever social media monstrosity Elon intends to create.

Included in the mass exodus: Twitter’s Crypto Lead, Tessa Rinearson.

Rinearson, a Berlin-based engineer with an extensive history in the space, having served as the VP of engineering at three reputable crypto firms, issued a statement last Friday:

But if you’re reading through that polite response and thinking okay, Rinearson, tell us how you really feel. The answer is in her Twitter bio which reads:

With Rinearson’s departure, Twitter’s future in crypto is more uncertain than ever. 

This year, Twitter implemented several new crypto features, such as NFT profile pictures and the ability to connect Bitcoin and Ethereum wallets to profiles.

There was an announcement that Twitter planned to release its own crypto wallet, but that feature has been put on hold in the turbulence around Elon’s takeover.

Crypto’s future on Twitter seems unstable because, frankly, Twitter seems unstable.

When Musk shut down the headquarters in San Francisco, employees projected insults on the side of the building, calling Musk a, “petulant pimple,” “bankruptcy baby,” and a, “worthless billionaire.”

It’s a mutiny against Musk. And regardless of how large, reputable, or expensive the ship you just bought is, you can’t run a ship with no crew.

Though Musk is certainly putting that theory to the test, as the company is now down over 8,000 employees since his takeover.

“It feels like all the people who made this place incredible are leaving. It will be extremely hard for Twitter to recover from here,” said another staffer, “no matter how hardcore the people who remain try to be.”

In the words of Jack Black in School of Rock, “Well, you’re not hardcore, no you’re not hardcore, unless you live hardcore.” 

And it would seem that many of Twitter’s employees would like to take their talents somewhere a little more stable and a little less, “hardcore.”

Meme of the Day

Cry it out, Elon.

The Last Sip

Here are some more of the Musk-themed insults that were projected on Twitter’s San Francisco headquarters. We didn’t make these up. These are all real.

1. Space Karen

2. Mediocre Manchild

3. Dictator’s ass-kisser

4. Insecure colonizer

5. Supreme parasite

Now remember, kids, sticks and stones may break our bones but they can’t be used to purchase one of the world’s largest social media platforms.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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