It’s Thursday, November 17th, and you know what that means:

It's the forty-ninth anniversary of Richard Nixon looking into cameras and asserting that he was, “not a crook.” 

But that’s all Watergate under the bridge!

So, come with us on a fun and informative journey through today’s crypto headlines, and we’ll examine some fiery allegations of our own.

Espresso Shots

☕️ Sam Bankman-Fried Goes to Washington 🚨 🇺🇸

Republicans and Democrats have teamed up, and all it took was an industry collapsing!

Congressional Representatives Maxine Waters (D) & Patrick McHenry (R) of the House Financial Services Committee have announced a hearing on the fall of FTX.

The hearing will investigate the fall of FTX and the broader repercussions for the digital asset ecosystem. A joint press release described the fall of FTX as having caused:

“Tremendous harm to over one million users, many of whom were everyday people who invested their hard-earned savings into the FTX cryptocurrency exchange, only to watch it all disappear within a matter of seconds.”

The committee plans to call for testimony from “companies and individuals involved, including Sam Bankman-Fried, Alameda Research, Binance, FTX, and related entities."

The committee also intends to make Sam Bankman-Fried watch an animated video explaining how a bill becomes law.

☕️ Genesis Halts Crypto Lending 🛑 💰

In the wake of the FTX… uh, shitstorm? Dumpster fire? Kerfuffle? Snafu? Genesis Global Capital has announced it is pausing withdrawals on its lending platform.

The ripples keep spreading, Genesis’s withdrawal freeze has now hit Gemini’s Earn program which is partnered with the lender.

Gemini Earn is a popular tool which allows Gemini traders to earn interest while holding their crypto on the Gemini exchange.

But regardless of how enticing Genesis’s earn program is conceptually, it’s now just another boat taking on water from Hurricane FTX.

Gemini has said their team is working to make customers’ funds available, “as quickly as possible.”

Horoscope readers expressed doubt about Gemini returning funds, saying this whole situation is just classic gemini behavior. ♊️

☕️ Bieber's Depreciating Ape 🦧 📉

The Bored Ape Yacht Club, what some may call the caviar of NFTs, has no shortage of fans in Hollywood.

From an ape-themed burger chain in sunny California to a failed Seth Green TV show, quite a few celebrities have now ‘aped’ into the collection.

So, Justin Bieber can’t be blamed for his FOMO. Even if he may have overpaid…

The Biebs bought his Bored Ape for $1.3 million and its value has now fallen to a conservative $69,000.

Justin Bieber can’t be the only one hurting. Snoop Dogg, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jimmy Fallon, and Eminem have all notably purchased Bored Ape NFTs.

Despite the 95% loss on his NFT, market evaluators predict Bieber’s scraggly little mustache may be worth millions.

Spilling the Beans

How Matt Damon Broke Crypto...

A class action lawsuit has been filed against FTX, Sam Bankman-Fried, and several celebrity endorsers.

Those celebrities include Larry David, Tom Brady, Shaquille O’Neal and others, who appeared in FTX advertisements ranging from Super Bowl ads to Twitter videos.

The lawsuit alleges that FTX’s advertisement strategy was intentionally vague and utilized celebrity endorsers to:

“Take advantage of unsophisticated investors from across the country, who utilize mobile apps to make their investments.”

But FTX is far from alone in using celebrity endorsements. Crypto.com - another exchange that made headlines this week - famously tapped Matt Damon in its “Fortune Favors the Bold” campaign.

But while celebrities have certainly brought eyeballs to crypto - they’ve added little else, except perhaps mockery. Matt Damon’s star turn even found him being ripped apart on South Park.

And frankly, that mockery is perfectly fair.

Matt Damon didn’t do a crypto ad on crypto use cases, or the underlying tech, or anything substantive at all. Matt Damon did an ad saying fortune comes to those who take big risks.

And if you listened to Matt Damon? If you knew nothing about crypto but trusted that ad? You’d be out a shit ton of money right now. And you’d likely have little faith in crypto as a whole.

We need to acknowledge that crypto isn’t chewing gum, and it shouldn’t be marketed like it is.

When Tom Brady smiles and throws a football and tells you to invest on an exchange that has now lost all of your money - it ruins the industry for everyone.

This isn’t to say Tom Brady and Matt Damon and others should be held legally accountable for an individual investor’s risk taking - we’ll leave that to the courts to rule on.

But it is to say that crypto needs to be better.

Funny star-studded ads aren’t going to drive quality user adoption, they’re going to drive artificial bubbles and eventual resentment. 

The key to crypto adoption is education and innovation. It’s building new use cases, and creating ways to make investors both safer and more independent of centralized financial systems.

Sure, we can’t hold celebrities responsible for agreeing to lend their images to advertisements, that’s what celebrity is for.

But as crypto’s celebrity-spokespeople are being served en masse, we’d like to take a moment to imagine Larry David staring down at his court summons, giving a long miserable look at the camera as the Curb theme song plays.

Meme of the Day

Yeah, you better run, Damon!

The Last Sip

While we’re discussing celebrity spokespeople, we thought it might be fun to go over three of the worst celebrity spokespeople of all time.

3. Kendal Jenner and Pepsi

The bigwigs over at Pepsi thought it would be a solid idea for Kendal Jenner to cut through the tension of a super friendly, faux Black Lives Matter protest by offering police a Pepsi.

Somehow, the soda did not end racism or police brutality.

2. OJ Simpson and Hertz

For almost two decades, the Juice was the spokesperson for Hertz Rent-a-car. When that famous White Bronco chase ended, he even told Highway police that the SUV wasn’t his: “Hertz owns it. Hertz lets me use it.”

1. Oscar Pistorius and Nike

If you’re not familiar with Jim Jeffries’ standup, Oscar Pistorius is a double-amputee who “accidentally” shot and killed his wife, thinking she was an intruder in their bathroom.

Pre-notoriety, Pistorius wore a Nike singlet in an ad showing him at a starting block about to sprint. The tagline? “I am the bullet in the chamber.” Yikes.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.