Happy Tuesday!

It’s November 8th, Election Day! It’s also Alex Trebek’s Birthday. RIP King.

While I have you, if any of our readers ever end up on Jeopardy, you have to wager it all on the Daily Double. If you don’t, you have no honor and your bloodline is weak. Your name will die with you.

On that note, let’s proceed to Final Jeopardy!

Espresso Shots

☕️ Binance Brawls with FTX 💥 🥊

FTX CEO Sam Bankman has had to deny rumors of his company’s instability, following Binance CEO Changpeng Zhao’s decision to liquidate all his FTX-produced, FTT tokens.

Bankman-Fried took to Twitter on Monday to announce: “FTX is fine. Assets are fine.”

Zhao defended the decision to liquidate his FTT as just good business sense, but then he couldn’t resist a little jab saying: “We won’t support people who lobby against other industry players behind their backs.”

Effectively stirring up a massive pot of drama, Zhao came back to Twitter later to refute that he’d ever done… exactly what he just did.

“Funny memes, media & some people tried to color this as a “fight.” Sorry to disappoint, but I spend my energy building, not fighting.”

Expect a tweet from Zhao sometime this week along the lines of, “Please stop crying, you can hit me back, just don’t tell Mom.”

☕️ Billions of Silk Road Bitcoin Discovered 💰 🏆

On Monday, the DOJ announced that they seized over $3.36 billion worth of Bitcoin.

This missing fortune of Bitcoin was initially stolen by James Zhong in 2012. Zhong had lifted 50,676 Bitcoin from Silk Road back when the token was worth about $10.

Of course, since then the cost and magnitude of Zhong’s theft has increased into the billions. Zhong has already pled guilty to wire fraud and could face up to twenty years in prison.

This marks the second largest recovery of stolen Bitcoin in the DOJ’s history, following the 2016 seizure of 94,000 Bitcoin lifted in the Bitfinex hack.

The DOJ’s recovered Bitcoin is currently being held in a virtual prison in Northern Maine. When asked for comment, the Bitcoin swore it was, “totally rehabilitated and ready to rejoin society.”

☕️ Gemini's European Expansion Continues! ✈️ 🌍

Crypto exchange, Gemini, has announced today that it will expand its reach to five new European countries.

The platform will now be available in Croatia, Cyprus, Hungary, Romania, and Slovenia. The Gemini empire is now twelve nations strong in Europe and consists of sixty-five countries globally.

Gemini, founded by the Winkelvoss twins, a pair of Harvard rowing-enthusiasts most famous for having their dreams crushed by Mark Zuckerberg, has been undergoing some serious European expansion.

Just last week, Gemini added Denmark, Sweden, Portugal, Czechia, Latvia, and Liechtenstein.

Gemini has continued to balloon out despite high inflation and a slump in Crypto prices. Gemini is moving so fast through the continent that the exchange has displaced the previous record holder for European expansion, rats carrying the black plague.

Spilling the Beans

The SEC’s Slippery Slope 🧊

A groundbreaking ruling just sent shockwaves through crypto.

Here are the major details:

• The SEC (Securities and Exchange Commission) won a lawsuit against a Blockchain called LBRY for issuing an unregulated token called LBC.

• LBRY is a blockchain-based file-sharing and payment network. It’s essentially a tool for decentralized content, and functions using its LBC token.

• This ruling could reclassify almost all cryptocurrencies as securities.

In its suit, the SEC argued that LBRY offered and sold unregistered securities in the form of its LBC token.

LBRY’s defense centered on the fact the LBC token doesn’t meet the standard of a security and that the SEC didn’t give fair notice that LBRY’s sale of LBC was subject to securities laws.

The judge disagreed.

LBRY’s CEO and Founder, Jeremy Kauffman has been very vocal about this ruling. He colorfully vented his frustrations on Twitter with a:

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCK"

This ruling sets a deeply troubling precedent. In many ways, this is an ideological battle, in which the SEC is trying to control an industry it doesn’t understand. It’s a little bit like if your Grandpa yelled at you for not rewinding your Netflix episode before returning it.

These punitive, legal measures come from the fact that the current economic regulators in the US have absolutely no clue how to regulate Crypto and Congress seems to have little interest in modernizing their legal framework.

Companies like LBRY and countless others are attempting to create innovative and collaborative technologies, they’re not trying to shut down the global economy.

For LBRY founder Kauffman’s part, he feels that the only way to fight against this injustice is in the proper political channels.

That’s led him to a longshot run for Senate in New Hampshire, claiming this is “the only way we can make blockchain legal.” For what it’s worth, Kauffman is polling at 4% in the race and the election is today.

While Kauffman may not be the next Senator from New Hampshire, he’s right that the best hope for crypto is a serious overhaul at the federal level: something that seems hard to imagine today.

Until Congress does step in to modernize the regulatory framework, the implications of this ruling seem major, particularly for Ripple (XRP) and their ongoing battle with the SEC.

At press time, SEC Chairman Gary Gansler was seen under a bridge, gnawing bones, composing riddles, and watching American cryptocurrencies with hungry eyes.

Meme of the Day

The SEC got to work early this week!

The Last Sip

In the midst of the Twitter warzone created by Binance’s liquidation of FTT tokens, CEO Chanpeng Zhao knew this would be the perfect time to tweet about… Binance giftcards for Christmas?

If you want to give your parents or relative a gift that they’ll in no way understand, let alone know how to use, remember the Binance gift card this holiday season. The perfect stocking stuffer!

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.