It's Monday! It's also the third day of our made up holiday, Cryptmas!

On the Third day of Cryptmas, my true love gave to me: three tax incentives, two failing exchanges, and a Bored Ape and a gas fee.

Espresso Shots

☕️ SBF to Testify This Week 👨🏻‍⚖️ 🗞

After a decidedly noncommittal response to Rep. Maxine Waters’ invitation to testify before congress, SBF’s ongoing communique with the Senator ended with a confirmation that he would come to Washington.

Maybe it’s that you get more flies with honey than with vinegar, but Waters’ twitter conversation has drawn criticism for its overly friendly nature.

Well, it was mostly friendly, last Thursday Waters pulled out the big guns, claiming, “a subpoena is definitely on the table.”

But negotiations finally came to a head on Friday, with SBF admitting that he still, “does not have access to much" information but that, he is "willing to testify on the 13th.”

We’ll be following SBF’s visit to Washington closely, where we’re sure he’ll be watching enviously as children mint coin after coin at those little souvenir penny machines.

☕️ Montana Senator Insists Crypto Isn't Real 👽 🛸

Senator Jon Tester (D. MT) went on Meet the Press last Sunday to insist that crypto shouldn’t be regulated. Why? Because he doesn’t believe it’s real.

“The problem is… if we regulated it, it may give it the ability of people to think it’s real.”

"It may give it the ability of people to think it’s real." Wow. Chills. But this isn’t a new stance for Tester.

He admitted in his Meet the Press interview that, “I’m not a regulator and I’m not a financial person that does regulation.”

Hey, it’s no big deal if you’re not a “financial person” but that confession is a little troubling considering that Tester occupies a seat on the Senate Banking Committee. So yeah, dude, you do regulation!

We’re all looking forward to Tester standing on the steps of the Capitol with a wad of twenties in his hand, insisting, “It’s just like, paper, man. It has no value. That’s just like, society, man.”

☕️  Is AI Coming For My Job? Me As In The Guy Writing the Newsletter 📰  📝

We thought we’d try some AI functionality this week and asked the now viral ChatGPT to write us a segment for this newsletter. 

We were feeling particularly spiteful about this new tech, so we thought we’d challenge it with a tough question: Should you drink coffee with crypto?

Here’s what it said:

"Cryptocurrency trading and investing can be complex and time-consuming, and many people find that drinking coffee helps them to stay focused and alert.

However it is important to remember that caffeine can also have negative effects such as anxiety and jitteriness, so it is important to consume it in moderation."

Robot’s got some chops, huh? Not bad. But moderation? C’mon. Think for yourself. Push boundaries. Find your limit. Destroy your sleep.

But we think our job will be safe until AI learns how to add comedic tags to its content.

It can’t be funny, yet. But one day, will we teach it to love?

Spilling the Beans

How Do You Make Money in a Bear Market? 🧸

It’s a question as old as the economy itself, and it has an entirely underwhelming, simple, answer. 

Like any good investor, we look to the future.

With companies plummeting and cryptocurrencies depreciating, we’re moving toward “the bottom.” In other words, when things are most frightening, it’s time to buy.

You may say we’re crazy, and like everything else in this newsletter: this isn’t financial advice. Yet, historically this tenet has applied to the stock market since the dawn of finance.

“Buy low, sell high,” or “Buy the dip,” these adages exist because well - they’ve worked. For centuries. 

Here’s a fun experiment: what’s the most terrifying economic moment you can remember?

 Maybe it was the covid crash in 2020, or the housing crash in 2008 or the .com bubble in 2000. 

Regardless of when it was, take a look at the Dow Jones, from then to now:

No matter how bleak the individual moment seems, markets tend to trudge on. Even if individual products and companies rise and fall .

Though they’re fundamentally different spaces, the investing principles that defined the stock market are very much applicable to crypto. Warren Buffet’s brain may now be too soft for the blockchain, but his teachings will live beyond his failing body.

If you still don’t believe us, just look at how some of the big dogs are behaving in the bear market.

Binance’s Changpeng Zhao has said that he does most of his hiring in a bear market, when you can find top talent at a lower cost.

Goldman Sachs has been spending millions buying or investing in crypto firms in the midst of crypto winter.

The roof may be caving in, but that might be the best time to invest in shingles.

Even new markets like crypto will eventually find natural fluctuations. The question you need to ask yourself is: Do you believe in this tech?

If you believe in the tech, and in the underlying value of the ecosystem, it’s a little easier to find the silver lining in some of the market’s worst moments.

And above all: stay optimistic. It’s easy to get stuck in the endless cycle of depressing news, but make sure you take care of yourself before you come racing to read our steaming hot headlines.

We may be in some dark days for crypto, but there’s a new dawn on the horizon. 

There have been sightings and blurry polaroids at Loch Ness and in the Pacific Northwest, but have you ever seen the rumored "retirement?" We believe it exists somewhere out there.

Meme of the Day

"I'm not a financial person" says Senate Banking Committee Member Jon Tester.

The Last Sip

In considering Senator Tester’s damnation of crypto, here are three other trends that politicians have insisted aren’t real:

3. The Second Wave of Feminism

2. The Internet

1. Birds

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.