☕️ JPMorgan's Bitcoin Boogeyman 👻

😱 Is the ghost of Satoshi coming to steal our Bitcoin...? 🥷

You know what? It’s perfectly normal to be afraid of ghosts.

If you’re seven.

But what if you’re the CEO of one of America’s largest banks and you’re insisting that a ghost will come and spirit away the world’s largest cryptocurrency?

Well, that’d be cause for incredulity, if not a little concern.

Turns out, unlike the Ghostbusters, JP Morgan is afraid of some ghosts.

Espresso Shots

☕️ All We Do is WEN 🤘

The 7-day moving average of Solana signups just hit its highest level ever, thanks in no small part to the release of Solana’s latest memecoin, WEN.

Solana airdropped a million WEN, with the redemption window closing at 10am on January 29.

Though more than half of that WEN currently remains unclaimed, the hype was enough to reinvigorate enthusiasm for Solana.

It seems like Solana’s success was never a matter of if, but of WEN.

☕️ The Mooch’s Big BTC Bet ♠️ ♥️

Anthony Scaramucci believes that Bitcoin will reach $170,000 after April’s halving event.

Scaramucci, Skybridge Capital’s founder and managing partner, believes that it just comes down to simple math.

“Go back and look at Bitcoin halving cycles,” said Scaramucci on the Scott Melker podcast. “The day that Bitcoin halves, multiply it by four [and] 18 months later and it’s been uncanny that that’s been the price of Bitcoin.”

Unofficially, Scaramucci also predicts that he’ll be White House Communications Director, again.

Spilling the Beans

👻 JP Morgan’s Ghosts 🔮

Here at Coffee and Crypto, we grew up with ghosts.

I was born in a small town in rural Maryland.

There, we were neighborly to each other. Everybody knew everyone’s name and doors were left unlocked… during the daytime.

But at night, doors and windows were locked because our small, seaside hamlet was plagued by a spectre.

Yes, the populace lived in fear until one day, I discovered it wasn’t a ghost, but my massive, simple-minded older brother, Klaus, who my parents had been secretly keeping in the attic.

See, Klaus had alopecia and was fish-pale and incredibly sensitive to the sun. He also had a strange obsession with pressing his naked body against our neighbors’ windows at night.

Once the secret was out about Klaus, our town’s Boo Radley, we were all able to live in harmony and Klaus got a job at the local Gamestop.

But not every ghost story has such a happy ending.

Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JP Morgan, believes there’s a ghost coming for all of us and it wants nothing more than to steal our Bitcoin.

And in fact, it’s a ghost that you’ve almost certainly already heard of…

Satoshi Nakamoto.

Now, there’s plenty of spirited, online debate as to whether the pseudonymous creator of Bitcoin is actually a team of people, like Shakespeare, or if they even existed at all.

But Jamie Dimon, the head of one of America’s most powerful banks, believes that Satoshi Nakamoto’s wraith is waiting to exact a terrible vengeance upon us all… when Bitcoin hits its maximum supply.

“I think there’s a good chance that … when we get to that 21 million Bitcoins, [Satoshi Nakamato] is going to come on there, laugh hysterically, go quiet, and all Bitcoin is going to be erased.” Said Dimon in an interview with CNBC at the Davos World Economic Forum.

“How the hell do you know that it’s going to stop at 21 [million]? I’ve never met one person who told me that they know for a fact.” Dimon continued.

So, there’s… a couple things wrong with this take.

First and foremost, Satoshi Nakamoto, despite their mysterious existence and Bitcoin holdings, doesn’t actually have any control over the current state of Bitcoin. That whole “decentralized” aspect is kinda the whole point.

Additionally, the 21 million maxim supply is hard-coded into Bitcoin’s source code, which anyone can view. For that number to change, it would require widespread agreement among Bitcoin miners.

And those miners aren’t going to change the Bitcoin model.

The current model is profitable and this sort of structural change would undoubtedly shake faith in Bitcoin and trigger a price collapse.

Last but not least, Bitcoin won’t be fully mined until 2140… so this isn’t even like a pressing ghostly nightmare, this is over 100 years out!

So, no, the ghost of Satoshi Nakamoto isn’t going to erase your Bitcoin in an act of spectral spite.

If anything, we just think it’s funny and objectively concerning that a man as high up in the financial world as Dimon would share this totally unhinged take in a very public forum.

But if Dimon thinks Bitcoin is spooky, just wait till we tell him what happens when you go in the bathroom, turn off the lights, and say, “Vitalik Buterin,” three times in the mirror.

The Last Sip

My massive, albino, secret older brother, Klaus, also serves as Coffee & Crypto’s unofficial mascot and market diviner. When he hides behind the water cooler and starts growling, we all know that Bitcoin’s about to drop.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

That's all for today! If this email got you hooked on our unhinged crypto takes, be sure to get a full dose on Twitter @GetCoffeeCrypto.

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.