Fake news is a phrase we’ve heard a lot of in the past couple of years.

Regardless of your political affiliation, we can all agree that we’d rather be getting real news.

As nervous and ready as we were to deal with the plague of Murder Hornets, that never really came to fruition.

But when gossip and rumor swirl around the crypto market, it can have a massive, multi million dollar impact.

Espresso Shots

☕️ SEC Delays ETFs ❌ 📉 

The SEC announced delays for the November 17 deadlines on the Hashdex Bitcoin ETF and the Grayscale futures-based Ether ETF.

Hashdex was attempting to convert its Bitcoin futures ETF into a Bitcoin spot ETF, while Grayscale was seeking approval for the aforementioned Ethereum ETF.

The SEC has yet to release the new deadlines, there is some speculation that the decisions, or further delays, will be announced on December 10th, when the final decision for Ark Invest is due.

The SEC just needs “a little more time with the menu” which guarantees our server won’t be back to take drink orders for at least 25, punitive minutes.

☕️ Not Ready for the Next FTX 😳 💰

At the Financial Markets Quality Conference 2023 at Georgetown University, Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) chairman Rostin Behnam expressed his fears that the American regulatory system is unprepared for the next FTX.

“Nothing has changed, and we could be in a position where another FTX-type event happens,” Behnam warned.

Behnam admitted to becoming quite familiar with FTX, as the exchange was attempting to modify an application for a regulated clearing agency with the CFTC, a process that was never completed. 

Behnam feels that with the current regulatory landscape, no safeguards or significant changes have been implemented that would prevent a collapse like FTX from happening again.

“AND YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH BADGES TO TRAIN ME!” added Charizard.

☕️ Blockchain Braces for Solar Storm ⛈️ ☀️

Scientists believe that the next solar storm could have a tremendous impact on global technology, including Web3 and blockchain ecosystems.

This sort of solar flare-up happens once every eleven years, but this instance could cause unprecedented levels of electromagnetic radiation.

"The internet has come of age during a time when the sun has been relatively quiet, and now it's entering a more active time," said George Professor Peter Becker of George Mason University in an interview with Fox Weather. "It's the first time in human history that there's been an intersection of increased solar activity with our dependence on the internet and global economic dependence on the internet."

It sounds a lot like Y2K, but don’t mind us, we’re just busy applying SBF-150 to our cold wallets and gaming rigs.

Spilling the Beans

Fake News… Real Gains 📈

We all know that little, white lies can grow over time.

So that even the smallest lies can sometimes have a huge impact.

You say something harmless, or maybe you fudge some of the certifications on your lifeguard application the summer after your sophomore year of high school.

Doesn’t seem like a big deal, until that fateful day in August when you’re trying to improv CPR on a drowning victim.

Thankfully, it turned out to just be a piece of waffle-cone from a barely-chewed Choco Taco that had gotten lodged in his throat. The guy coughed it up. You still got to be the hero and nobody even whispered “manslaughter.”

Personal trauma aside, yeah, lies can make serious waves.

And nowhere is that more true than crypto.

We all got a recent, serious reminder in the form of BlackRock’s iShares XRP ETF registry on November 13.

And it’s a particularly significant event, why? Because it never happened.

What did happen, was that someone, not BlackRock, registered an XRP ETF using the same address and information that BlackRock used to file a verifiable Ethereum ETF in Delaware the week prior.

But despite the falsified nature of BlackRock’s XRP filing, the news had a very real impact on the market.

In the mere thirty minutes before the claim’s veracity was disproven, XRP shot up 12%.

Now, as exciting as that might have been for Ripple’s XRP holders, it’s a troublesome development.

It certainly reminds us of the market tumult following Cointelegraph’s incorrect publishing of the verification of an Ishares Bitcoin ETF.

Once is a mistake, and twice is a trend.

And yes, gossip and rumors are as integral to the stock market as tickers and those blue-striped shirts with the white collars.

But in crypto, it seems, rumors and fake news can have immediate, massive repercussions.

Far more so than the stock market, simply because crypto lacks the central, reputable media structure of TradFi.

There’s no crypto-equivalent to CNBC. Yes, we have a couple of dedicated crypto news sites, not to mention the crack reporting of a certain crypto newsletter, but too much of the information in the space relies on hearsay and informal communication.

It’s because of a lack of regulatory clarity that the crypto market is so foggy.

Without a framework in place to guarantee the veracity of reports, rumors can snowball into massive gains or equally massive losses.

Sometimes, crypto feels like an under-supervised middle school cafeteria churning with gossip.

And it can easily descend into chaos once we all start to believe the rumor that Carmine Fitzgerald’s scabs are considered legal tender in Canada.

No, we don’t want government overreach or the crypto-equivalent of Mad Money, but sometimes someone needs to get on the PSA system, make an announcement, and tell us how much Carmine Fitzgerald’s scabs are actually worth.

Crypto 101

Ledger: This is the system on a blockchain that keeps an accurate but decentralized history of all the transactions on that blockchain.

The ledgers are both accurate and public, but maintain users’ anonymity to protect their privacy and security. 

The Last Sip

The Last Sip: The value of Carmine Fitzgerald’s scabs shot up 43% in the hours after lunch. They’ve since fallen when school attention shifted to whether or not you can get high from taking a long enough pull from Daphne Rosenberg’s inhaler.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

That's all for today! If this email got you hooked on our unhinged crypto takes, be sure to get a full dose on Twitter @GetCoffeeCrypto.

If you find yourself smiling at any of our dumb jokes, or even *learning* something - make sure to share this newsletter with your friends!

If you get 5 friends to sign up - or even enemies, we don't care - we'll send you our Bitcoin Bootcamp Ebook! This thing is packed with info and is the ultimate guide to the world’s ultimate currency.

Just hit the Click to Share button in the section below to get started!

DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.