The real holidays are over and New Years is fast approaching, but some of the most important winter sales events are still ongoing.

It’s the December to Remember Lexus Sales Event. 🏎 It’s Toyotathon. 🚙 Happy Honda Days! 🚗 Whatever you celebrate, be sure to drive your reasonably priced model at recklessly high speeds through a snowy, alpine forest.

Just kidding. It’s a stunt driver. Do not attempt this. But do attempt to make your way through the newsletter, it’s a goodie. 

Espresso Shots

☕️ Drama With Solana ☀️ 🎭

After months of will-they-won’t-they, Solana’s two biggest NFT projects will be leaving the network for greener pastures.

DeGods will be moving to Ethereum and Y00ts will be moving to Polygon. This represents a massive departure of value from the Solana network.

In addition to this NFT exodus, Solana was backed by FTX and Sam Bankman-Fried, a fact which crypto's biggest fans are not likely to let anyone forget.

These two major factors are seriously driving down the Solana network, which is trading at its lowest point since 2021.

For now, it seems that Solana’s only hope may be rebranding into tragi-romantic singer-songwriter, So-Lana Del Rey.

☕️ Mark Cuban: Pro Bitcoin, Anti-Gold ❌🥇

Mark Cuban was very direct on Bill Maher’s podcast that he thinks Bitcoin is here to stay and he wants it to keep dropping.

“I want Bitcoin to go down a lot further so I can buy some more,” said Cuban.

But Cuban wasn’t so enthusiastic about gold, which has always been one of the most surefire investments because it’s a literal, physical asset that can be stored or sold.

“Gold is a store of value and so is Bitcoin,” Cuban prompted, “If everything went to hell in a handbasket and you had a gold bar you know what would happen? Someone would beat the fuck out of your or kill you and take your gold bar. It’s useless.”

He’s not wrong. For gold to be traded in an apocalypse scenario we would still need some of regulated currency. But that gold is far from useless.

You could melt it down into a sword and start minting your own currency. Skulls.

☕️ A High Fidelity Metaverse 🧮 🧾

Asset management firm, Fidelity, has decided to bring its trademark insurance advice to the metaverse.

This will come in the form of a series of new Web3-targeted products and services, an NFT marketplace, and a new crypto trading platform, all to become available in the metaverse.

Fidelity, known for its trademark insurance advice, intends to put education at the center of its efforts.

Their services will include: “conducting classes, workshops, seminars and conferences in the field of investments and in the field of marketing financial services in the metaverse and other virtual worlds.”

With rental agreements and now insurance advice front-loading the metaverse experience, we’re starting to feel less like this is going to be a mind-blowing, new reality and more like a Bank of America with loading times.

Spilling the Beans

SBF's Ex Goes Rogue 🏃‍♀️

You’ve heard that legal urban legend that a wife can’t testify against her husband in the court of law?

It’s not just a myth, it’s actually true. It’s called “Spousal Privilege” and it’s been the driving force for many a mafia narrative or criminal couple.

But you know who doesn’t fall under the umbrella of spousal privilege?

Your ex-girlfriend. She’s free to say whatever she wants about you in front of a judge.

And that’s exactly what’s happening this week as ex-Alameda CEO Caroline Ellison takes the stand to testify against Sam Bankman-Fried.

Ex-girlfriend may even be too grand a title for the relationship between SBF and Ellison, they were mostly business associates who dated very briefly.

But whatever their relationship may have been, Ellison’s former company, Alameda, received special privileges from FTX that not only granted financial privilege, but made her extremely aware of the wrong-doings going on at FTX.

“I understood that FTX executives had implemented special settings on Alameda’s FTX.com account that permitted Alameda to maintain negative balances in various fiat currencies and crypto currencies.”

Ellison went on to say that the relationship essentially lent her and Alameda a blank check or an: “Unlimited line of credit without being required to post collateral,"

That seems... uh maybe too good to be true?

When asked, “Did you also know that it was illegal?” Ellison replied with a simple “yes.”

Ellison went on to summarize her actions: “I understood that if Alameda’s FTX accounts had significant negative balances in a particular currency, it meant that Alameda was borrowing funds that FTX’s customers deposited onto the exchange.”

Ellison concluded with a direct apology to the users that were hurt in the collapse, assurances that she was doing everything in her power to recover the funds and finally that, “I am here today to accept responsibility for my actions by pleading guilty.”

In the court of law, Ellison’s damning testimony is paving the way for Sam Bankman-Fried to face serious jail time.

But despite Ellison's passionate testimony, in this case of fraud-crossed lovers, our hearts may just call for a mistrial. 💔

Meme of the Day

Uh, are you sure that's actually true?

The Last Sip

Other than your on-again-off-again ex-girlfriend, here are probably the three most devastating individuals that could testify against you in a court of law.

• Your disbarred psychiatrist

• Your elementary school bully

• Your Mom

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.