You better read this newsletter in incognito mode, because it’s about to get a little dirty.

Food, water, and shelter comprise the foundation of human needs. But much higher up on that pyramid are love and intimacy. Because what’s the point of a shelter if you can’t have sex in it?

Historically, sex is pretty high on the list of essentials, since it’s key to the continuation of humanity. But the underlying desire is often valued more than procreation, which is why many wonder why sex workers are treated worse than grocery store clerks or DoorDash delivery.

And when sex workers are spurned by financial institutions, shouldn’t crypto be an option? It is the refuge of outliers, oddballs, and freethinkers, after all.

A Word Foam Our Sponsor

Did you know: After the stock market moves up 50% in a year, the S&P 500 tends to be down 1.5% the year after. 3 years later, the market moved up 42.4%, historically.

How should you position your stock portfolio for the current market environment? Find out by subscribing to The Average Joe — a free 3x weekly newsletter covering market trends, news and analysis.

Join 19,000+ investors finding the biggest market trends

Espresso Shots

☕️ France to Enhance Crypto Registration 🇫🇷 🪙

France’s amended crypto guidelines will enter effect next year, aligning the nation with the upcoming MiCA framework.

France’s “enhanced” registrations make up the lion’s share of this effort, which will update French policy on "security and internal control systems, systems for managing conflicts of interest, clear, accurate and non-misleading information, public pricing policies, specific custody provisions (segregation of client assets vs. own assets)," according to a release from the Autorité des marchés financiers (AMF).

These new changes should help fast-track authorization for crypto exchanges and firms as France seeks to become a crypto hub.

But keep in mind that in France, “enhanced” just means sauteed in butter and heavy cream and served with a glass of the house red.

☕️ Bitcoin ETF Confidence at a High ⬆ 🪙

Two crypto executives have spoken out expressing confidence in the approval of a Bitcoin ETF by the SEC.

Both Cathie Wood, CEO of Ark INVEST, and CEO Mike Novogratz of Galaxy Digital are confident in the approval of a Bitcoin ETF by the SEC.

“It’s a big deal, because both our contacts from the Invesco side and from the Blackrock side gets [sic] you to think that this is a question of when, not if, that the outside window (on) this is probably six months.” Novogratz said in an earnings call on Tuesday, as reported by Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas on his X (formerly Twitter) account.

Novogratz and Galaxy Digital partnered with Invesco to file a joint application.

“I think the SEC, if it’s going to approve a Bitcoin ETF, will approve more than one at once,” said Cathie Wood in an interview with Bloomberg.

We admire their confidence, but confidence doesn’t always equal results.

You may remember when we thought we could end COVID with two weeks off work. If only.

☕️ Indian Browser Lets You Sign with Crypto 🇮🇳 🪙

India’s plans to release a national web browser will include an exciting, new crypto function.

On August 9, India’s Ministry of Electronics and Information Technology announced its Web Browser Development Challenge.

India’s new browser will focus on accessibility and user-friendliness, particularly for those with disabilities. But one of the most revolutionary aspects of the platform is the envisioned ability to legally sign documents using crypto tokens.

The Ministry of Electronics and Information Technology believes this will significantly boost security for digital transactions and signatures.

Admittedly, India has always been a global superpower when it comes to signatures, which may be why the country’s deities have so many hands.

Spilling the Beans

Don't Tell Your Mom About This Crypto 💋 💄

The “Sex work is work” or “Sex work is real work” rallying cries have been heard in nearly every U.S. city since the twenty-teens.

But the best proof that sex work is real work lies in something far simpler and more universal than many think: the undeniable physical cost of labor. Like any blue-collar job, it’s exhausting, occasionally degrading, and presumably requires a lot of small talk.

And sex work has become a more popular vocation than ever. The internet is flooded with pornography, and, compounded by the explosion of sex-work platforms like OnlyFans and Fansly, sex work is everywhere.

Sex work, also like any job, is ultimately about paying the bills. But what do you do when banks, brokers, and even payment apps won’t do business with you because of your line of work?

Naturally, you turn to crypto.

“By and large, crypto is useful for people that aren’t being taken care of properly by the government,” said escort Liara Roux in an interview with Wired. “For sex workers, who aren’t well-served by banks, it becomes a useful option.”

But DeFi, for all of the space’s philosophizing about acceptance, individualism, and a new way of doing things, has not been warm to sex workers.

Much of traditional financial institutions' current wariness around sex work comes from an Obama-era piece of legislation known as Operation Chokepoint, intended to dissuade these institutions from developing ties with “high-risk” industries, such as sex work or adult entertainment.

Operation Chokepoint is an incredibly horny name for legislative action against sex workers. But it appears that crypto companies and exchanges are unofficially following the same guidelines.

“You get on an exchange for as long as you can, until they shut your ass down,” said Allie Eve Knox, a former dominatrix and Spankpay advisor. “You quickly [run out of exchanges], so you sit on a lot of useless money. The whole ‘crypto is permissionless and censorship-resistant’ thing is a bunch of bullshit.”

And even when SpankPay came into popularity, a sex-positive platform that made it easy for workers and performers to convert their crypto into fiat currency, it was shut down by Wyre, Spankpay’s parent company.

Wyre claimed that Spankpay had violated the terms of an agreement with Checkout.com, one of Wyre’s partners, terms that were eerily similar to the guidelines positioned by Operation Chokepoint.

It’s a sad state of affairs. And feels like a broken promise in a financial space that’s supposed to offer something new and different.

If crypto is just going to follow the cultural sensitivities of TradFi, what is the point of any of this?

Something needs to change, and soon. Because if sex workers continue to be blacklisted by crypto, one day, the entire world may be blue-balled.

Premium Market Report

Bitcoin Traders Bank on Prolonged Low Volatility With Short Bets 📉 🪙
Source: CoinTelegraph + CoinDesk

📃 Summary:

Meme of the Day

Typically, registrations are a hassle, but at least France’s might be tasty. 😋

Crypto 101

Counterparty Risk: This is the chance that a party on the other end of a transaction will default and put the investor at risk.

An example of counterparty risk would be a borrower’s credit score in relation to their bank.

Counterparty Risk is the biggest danger to consider when it comes to ETFs, even Bitcoin ETFs.

The Last Sip

In honor of a sex-work-focused edition of the newsletter, here are three jobs that sound like sex work, but aren’t.

3. Guest Services

2. Client Relations

1. Tennis Pro

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

That's all for today! If this email got you hooked on our unhinged crypto takes, be sure to get a full dose on Twitter @GetCoffeeCrypto.

Want cutting-edge market analysis delivered to your inbox three times a week? Sign up for Premium Roast! We'll cut through the BS floating around on Twitter and CNBC and help you finally understand the markets, all for the price of a single cup of coffee.

If you find yourself smiling at any of our dumb jokes, or even *learning* something - make sure to share this newsletter with your friends!

If you get 5 friends to sign up - or even enemies, we don't care - we'll send you our Bitcoin Bootcamp Ebook! This thing is packed with info and is the ultimate guide to the world’s ultimate currency.

Just hit the Click to Share button in the section below to get started!

DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.