On the Eighth day of Cryptmas, my true love gave to me: Eight Stablecoins, Seven Trump NFTs,  Six Bitcoin mines, Five Gold Cold Wallets. Four federal inquiries, Three tax incentives, Two failing exchanges, and a Bored Ape and a gas fee.

And also it’s the first day of Chanukah. There is no seasonal jewish song that builds on itself like the one we’re currently working on.

Espresso Shots

☕️ Binance Audit Paused 💻 ❌

Mazars, the auditing firm working on the proof of reserves forms for several of the most notable crypto exchanges, has announced a company-wide pause on all of their audit processes.

Mazars found that Binance’s Bitcoin funds were not 1:1,but were overcollateralized. Then they paused everything. You can’t find that report on their website anymore.

You can’t find anything about Binance’s books, but you can find this official statement regarding the pause:

“[The Proof of reserve reports] do not constitute either an assurance or an audit opinion on subject matter. Instead they report limited findings based on the agreed procedures performed on the subject matter at a historical point in time.”

Ah, now it all makes sense.

They’re worried the findings of these reports will cause a panic. Well, nothing like pausing an attempt for greater transparency because you found something scary.

The Mazars auditing freeze is a lot like when a soldier is sweeping for mines and suddenly hears the click of a pressure plate under the gravel they just stepped on. 

They’re going to take a long pause and figure out which option will be the least explosive.

☕️ Trump NFTs Sell Out 💰 🇺🇸 

Well, those Trump NFTs we were making fun of last week completely sold out. They win.

Even though Saturday Night Live took the time to run a Trump NFT parody sketch, they couldn’t prevent the unstoppable waves of shoppers determined to secure a dinner or zoom call with the ex-president.

Apparently, every single Trump NFT is minted to the wrong wallet, and to get access to the right wallet users will have to download a txt.file containing the correct key.

Also that dinner with Trump is just a ticket to a fundraiser and that one-on-one zoom call is a group zoom call, most likely with thousands of participants.

The $99 NFTs are currently being resold for thousands. If you’re currently holding one of these hot commodities, we know how much you paid, but what was the cost of your dignity?

☕️  Lawsuit Against Silvergate 👨🏻‍⚖️ 🪙 

A class action lawsuit has been filed against crypto bank, Silvergate, for their role in the collapse of FTX.

The lawsuit alleges that Silvergate aided and abetted FTX’s criminal activities.

In addition to the lawsuit, several U.S. senators, including Elizabeth Warren, have written an official letter to Silvergate, condemning their actions.

“Your bank’s involvement in the transfer of FTX customer funds to Alameda reveals what appears to be an egregious failure of your bank’s responsibility to monitor for and report suspicious financial activity carried out by its client,” the letter reads.

We’ll be following this developing lawsuit with interest, having already affectionately dubbed the case, “Silvergate-gate.”

Spilling the Beans

Are the Cops to Blame For Crimes? Examining the SEC’s role in FTX 🚨

We’ve talked a lot about the FTX disaster and the man responsible, ex-CEO Bankman-Fried, but doesn’t that seem a little reductive? “The man responsible.”

A single Russian wasn’t responsible for the Chernobyl nuclear disaster. 

The Challenger didn’t explode because one astronaut turned the wheel a little too far. 

Wasn’t there an entire secret service team dedicated to keeping JFK alive?

They say victory has a thousand fathers but defeat is an orphan.

And isn’t that the case with the FTX debacle? Could $8 billion have gone up in smoke just because one man failed so spectacularly? Is that a little too convenient?

That’s exactly what Texas Congressman Pete Sessions was asking in an interview last Saturday with Newsmax. Sessions feels that the SEC was, “asleep at the wheel for these billions of dollars that we now find out about a year later.”

Sessions isn’t alone, criticism for Gary Gensler and the SEC has also come from Rep. Tom Emmer (R. MN).

The results of FTX may be SBF’s fault, but is it also the fault of the organization that exists specifically so this kind of thing doesn’t happen?

Emmer and Sessions seem to think so. Emmer wants to call SEC chairman Gary Gensler before congress to explain their “regulatory failures.”

But perhaps before we look to these congressmen for their guiding wisdom, we should remember that Pete Sessions had an awesome, deleted tweet in which he told the January 6th rioters to, “Keep fighting,” after he swung by the “Stop the Steal” rally.

Also, Tom Emmer illegally endorsed a Christian remodeling company during his initial run for Minnesota congress.

Who better than flawed men to deconstruct a flawed system?

The SEC failed. America’s weird, vague, sorta-enforced regulations failed. $8 billion disappeared and it’s very easy to point fingers and attribute blame.

You know what’s not easy? Making $8 billion.

That’s why we here at Coffee & Crypto rise and grind. Elevate your circle. Stop buttchugging beer and start buttchugging broccoli.

We know you’ll be a billionaire soon. Much like how we know neither Gensler nor anyone else from the SEC is going to face any backlash for their failures.

Keep your head up, this battle is going to be a doozy.

Remember, just because your organization was supposed to prevent something, doesn’t mean it’s your fault when that thing happens in the biggest way possible.

Meme of the Day

There's a crypto for having sex? But... why?!

The Last Sip

You’ve been wondering and now we’re finally unveiling… the horniest crypto of all time.

SEXN is a crypto startup that intends to pay people with crypto to incentivize them to have sex. 

They haven’t really done much yet, but wow, truly groundbreaking to incentivize an activity that is itself, an incentive.

Soon, they’ll be paying people to eat cheeseburgers, do drugs, or commit petty vandalism. You know, those things that feel like work.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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