You know that the bad guy is going to come back.

That’s why when Poe Dameron said, “Somehow Palpatine returned,” in the new Star Wars movies, we groaned cause we were hoping for better writing, but accepted it because hey, that’s how franchises work.

So whether it’s Voldemort’s distant relatives popping up in whatever Harry Potter IP or Spectre somehow being more recession-proof than MI6, as long as the story continues, bad guys are going to keep popping up.

And that’s why we weren’t surprised so much as disappointed when FTX popped back up to give the crypto market a swift kick while it’s down.

Espresso Shots

☕️ Britain Needs More Time for CBDCs 🇬🇧

The Bank of England and His Majesty’s Treasury issued a joint statement this week admitting that further study was necessary before the Digital Pound, England’s CBDC, could be released.

“No final decision has been made to pursue a digital pound—also called a central bank digital currency,” reads the press release. “We will make sure we can design a digital pound that will work for you before any decision is made on whether or not to start building it.”

The entities emphasized that the Digital Pound would not replace cash and that cash would remain to assure the populace they have some form of “anonymous” payment.

But for now, the rollout of Britain’s CBDC needs far more time in the oven.

“Seems quite underbaked,” remarked Paul Hollywood. “Soggy bottom, hate to see it,” added Mary Berry gravely.

☕️ Pushing God’s Crypto ✝️

A pastor in Colorado running a crypto scam defended his actions by saying that God told him to use investor funds to remodel his home.

Eli Regalado and his wife are being sued by the Denver courts for allegedly stealing $1.3 million from investors in INDXcoin, the couple’s crypto organization.

"We allege that Mr. Regalado took advantage of the trust and faith of his own Christian community and that he peddled outlandish promises of wealth to them when he sold them essentially worthless cryptocurrencies," said Colorado Securities Commissioner Tung Chan in a press release.

"New coins and new exchanges are easy to create with open-source code. We want to remind consumers to be very skeptical."

Regalado posted a video response on the INDXcoin page admitting, "So there's $1.3 million that's been taken out of — I think it was a total of 3.4 million. But out of that 1.3, half a million dollars went to the IRS and a few $100,000 went to a home remodel that the Lord told us to do."

“Teak cabinets with those countertops?” cackled God. “Honey, this kitchen needs some divine intervention.”

Spilling the Beans

Crypto’s Greatest Enemy…

January’s always tough. It’s cold, it’s dark, and the days seem impossibly short.

And of course, this is the time of year we all try out our ill-conceived life improvements.

Despite an overwhelming sense of fatigue and winter pointlessness, we’re going to do our best to get in the gym and get out from under all of those blankets.

Even though we all know we’re just going to end up back under the blankets.

Also, we appreciate that we, societally, have all agreed to turn down Dry January to Damp January. You can drink when the moment calls for it (any minor inconvenience), while still convincing yourself you’re tapping down.

Yes, January makes you feel all 31 of her days, but if anybody’s been struggling in the New Year, it’s Bitcoin.

The Bitcoin Spot ETF approvals caused mass sell-offs which have sent the market into a short-term nose dive.

The development has been a stark contrast to the pre-ETF optimism that characterized most of the crypto market.

But yes, the “buy the rumor, sell the news” of Bitcoin Spot ETF approval ended up with a lot more investors selling the news than anybody anticipated.

And of course, who would be one of the biggest sellers…?

The entity that almost singlehandedly crashed the crypto market in 2022, none other than FTX.

That’s right, FTX did crypto dirty again… but probably not intentionally. For those brave souls charged with captaining the ruined husk of an exchange into… whatever its next iteration looks like, this was probably a matter of survival.

But the latest step in FTX’s long road to recovery involved selling nearly a billion dollars worth of BTC.

Yes, FTX sold 22 million of its shares in the Greyscale Bitcoin Trust worth an estimated $900 million.

It’s whale activity to be sure, and while we can bemoan the Bitcoin sell-offs all we want, it feels particularly pointed when some of the largest, whale activity comes from FTX.

Because FTX has come to symbolize everything that was wrong with crypto. FTX was the manifestation of the fear that the market was controlled by SBF-style code monkeys in gaming chairs with an unbridled passion for day trading and not a lot of empathy.

Hey, we get it. You do what you gotta and it’s not like FTX is the only institution selling its BTC holdings.

But it’s kind of like we’re all in an inflatable pool, it’s already overflowing, and FTX is that 283-pound party animal who cannonballs into the center. 

We know you want in on the action, but you’re too big! You’re ruining the whole thing for all of us.

Now, charitably, we know that at least some of the revitalization efforts for FTX are steps toward repaying victims of the events of 2022. We get that and frankly admire it.

But John Jay Ray III, interim CEO of FTX, or whoever needs to hear this… just let FTX die, guys. You don’t need to revive this brand. It’s pointless.

We want to say that people won’t trust FTX again, no matter what the new team attempts, but that’s probably wrong.

Hell, the public has a short memory. People are still managing their credit with Equifax and ordering first aid kits off wish.com.

The Last Sip

Unrelated to England’s plans for a CBDC, “His Majesty’s Treasury” is a decent name for the next David Beckham cologne line.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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