Are you feelin’ lucky today, punk? Are you? You shouldn’t! Today’s Friday the thirteenth so take extra care to avoid black cats, stepping under ladders, and summer sessions at abandoned sleepaway camps.

But if you’re still feeling lucky despite the unluckiest, unofficial holiday, roll the dice and gamble on reading our newsletter. It’s a sure thing.

And hey, while you’re at it, check out episode one of our podcast, it’s a work in progress but we’re excited to get this thing rolling!

Espresso Shots

☕️ Nexo Under Investigation in Bulgaria 🔎 🇧🇬

Crypto lender, Nexo is undergoing a criminal investigation by Bulgarian authorities looking into charges of money laundering, tax violations, and other forms of fraud.

In an unprecedented case of “No, actually you,” Nexo is alleging that this is a blatant act of extortion and intimidation by the corrupt Bulgarian government.

“With the recent regulatory crackdown on crypto, some regulators have recently adopted the kick first, ask questions later approach. In corrupt countries it is bordering with racketeering,” said Nexo, going on to claim that, “Bulgaria is as you know the most corrupt country in the EU.”

These are serious allegations against the government (and most definitely true) but hopefully they won’t overshadow Bulgaria’s no doubt stellar showing at this year’s Quidditch World Cup.

☕️ Bill Gates Unenthused by Web3 💾 😐

Bill Gates, the OG rich guy and alpha-nerd, doesn’t think that Web3 is a big deal.

During an Ask Me Anything on Reddit, Bill Gates responded to one user’s queries about Web3, stating, “AI is the big one. I don’t think Web3 was that big or that metaverse stuff alone was revolutionary but AI is quite revolutionary.”

Bill Gates has been very bullish on AI and its potential humanitarian uses, but has been critical of NFTs and crypto, chalking its success up to “the greater fool theory.”

The greater fool theory states that even if you buy an overvalued asset, a greater fool will come along and buy it from you at a higher price.

We’re trying not to let Billy’s remarks hurt our feelings, remembering that he’s been equally critical of coordinating colors in outfits and pull-ups.

☕️ Trump Struggling to Sell Zoom NFTs 😡 💸

Pivoting from the success of the Trump card NFT collection, Trump’s team have started pushing NFT access tickets to a 20 minute, 2,000 person Zoom call with the former president.

And… they’re selling like cold cakes. Which is to say, the opposite of hot cakes. So, not very well.

It would seem that lightning really doesn’t strike twice, as the tickets are being traded on OpenSea for less than $25.

If you’re interested in attending a brief, bloated Zoom call in which most of the cameras are off, we recommend pursuing literally any job in corporate America.

Spilling the Beans

The SEC Joins the Winkle Wars ⚔️

The hearts of the nation and this newsletter have been caught up in The Winkle-Wars (*cue John Williams’ orchestra) and there’s been an exciting, new, and… potentially criminal development.

The SEC has charged Gemini and Genesis with an illegal securities violation in regards to the two companies’ shared Gemini Earn Program.

The charges specifically allege Gemini and Genesis jointly offered unregistered securities through the Earn program.

We have to admit, that after all the public sparring and open letters that have been going on between Gemini and Genesis, it’s objectively funny that the SEC would lump these two together in a larger suit.

It’s kind of like when two kids are bothering each other in class and the teacher sends them both out into the hall, regardless of who started it.

But we don’t think there’s really any chance that Barry Silbert and the Winklevoss twins will reconcile their differences when they’re all forced to stay inside during recess.

Back in 2020, Silbert and the Winklevii were bosom buddies. They established the Gemini Earn program together.

But then, like many middle schoolers, as they grew up, they grew apart.

Well, it was less a case of growing pains and more of a case of massive corporate losses. In time, blame shifted and crypto markets blew up.

Genesis had exposure to both FTX and Three Arrows Capital and now appears to be in a $3 billion hole.

This led to Genesis being forced to freeze withdrawals on the Gemini Earn program, sending the relationship between the two companies into rocky territory.

The Gemini Earn program has since been terminated by Gemini, and the Winklevii are demanding the frozen $900 million in customer funds.

Cam Winklevoss has been very open in his critiques of Genesis and Barry Silbert, calling for the CEO of Digital Currency Group to do the right thing by stepping down.

Genesis doesn’t like how the Winklevosses are playing the game.

An official spokesperson for Genesis said that Gemini’s management were, “disappointed that Gemini is waging a public media campaign despite ongoing productive private dialogue between parties.”

But despite the extremely public contention between the two parties, and the fact that the Gemini Earn program has been dissolved, the SEC is still coming for them.

You can act like you’re friends and hide the bodies, but everyone knows you’re murderers who don’t even like each other.

“Today’s charges build on previous actions to make clear to the marketplace and the investing public that crypto lending platforms and other intermediaries need to comply with our time-tested securities laws,” said Gary Gensler, SEC Chairman.

“Doing so best protects investors. It promotes trust in markets. It’s not optional. It’s the law.”

Here's hoping next time the SEC enforces the law before customers lose millions!

Regardless, we just hope the American courts can get Barry Silbert and the Winklevoss twins the group therapy they need. Communication is key and we can all be friends if we take a moment to step outside ourselves and stop losing millions of our investors’ dollars.

Meme of the Day

Buckle up reader, we're gonna be talking about this a while longer 🤦‍♂️

The Last Sip

In the tradition of Oprah’s yearly “Favorite Things” and Bill Gates’ recent comments on Web3, we’re releasing the annual Bill Gates’ “Least Favorite Things.”

• People with Perfect (normal) vision.

• Skin-on-skin Contact.

• Terminators.

• Professional Hairdressers.

• Wedgies

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.