The moments before a launch…

Smoke builds under rocket turbines, Floridian civilians around the rocket base hold their breath, space chimpanzees wish normal chimpanzees fond farewells.

Then 3…2…1… Liftoff!

And crypto may be poised for a blastoff rivaling the greatest of NASA feats. And why?

Well, we’ll tell you that in today’s deep dive.

Espresso Shots

☕️ Crypto as Commodities 🗒️⚖️

House Republicans are currently drafting a bill that would end the designation of crypto as “securities” and instead would have them treated as commodities.

If this bill is passed through the house, crypto exchanges would have the opportunity to become compliant with the SEC by registering as “alternative trading systems.”

It’s a huge development for the future of crypto in America, but we can’t help but recall covering a similar bill in the works last week that would instead classify crypto as “investment contracts.”

Seems like crypto’s having a bit of an identity crisis in D.C. Well, knowing Washington, we’re sure they can solve this reasonably.

But both pieces of legislation will have to contend with the framework my father is drafting, which will classify crypto as both a “scam” and “witchcraft.”

☕️ Coinbase Institutional Futures 📈🪙

The Coinbase Derivatives Exchange has announced that it will begin offering “institutional-sized” Bitcoin and Ethereum futures.

Much like they sound, futures are financial contracts drafted on the future value of a particular asset, in this case, BTC and ETH.

Smaller futures have long been available for independent investors like you and me, but naturally, these institutional-sized investments will only be available to institutional investors.

These futures will include much lower initial fees, but much larger sums will be at stake.

Again, it’s an exciting development that doesn’t quite affect us yet, but it just means that there’s hope for more attractive financial contracts for independent investors in the future(s).

And though futures are enticing, we’re still holding out for Bitcoin and Ethereum pasts, that will allow us to travel back in time, make tremendous investments, and harvest mammoth DNA

☕️ Metropolitan Museum Returns FTX Bucks 💵🤔

The Metropolitan Museum of Art in D.C. has returned a $550,000 donation it received from FTX while Sam Bankman-Fried was CEO.

The massive, illicit political donations that SBF sent out to American politicians have been added to his long list of standing charges.

Though unlike those donations, the Metropolitan Museum of Art was under no such obligation to return the gift from FTX. According to court documents, the return was prompted by “good faith, arm’s length negotiations.”

“Arm’s length” probably because no institution wants to touch funds corrupted by FTX contagion.

And though SBF’s political donations were an attempt to curry favor with Washington lawmakers, apparently this donation was an attempt to, “make the exhibits come alive at night like at the Smithsonian.”

Spilling the Beans

Why Crypto Is About to Take Off 🚀 📈

The Debt Ceiling has been on everyone’s mind.

Talk of what they were going to decide in Washington has permeated the airwaves, water cooler discussion, and already somewhat cemented the beliefs of desert survivalists and your uncle, the libertarian.

It was like a really boring, financially-centered version of the Cuban Missile Crisis. And no, we were never going to explode into a white-hot oblivion orchestrated by Fidel Castro.

But unlike the Cuban Missile Crisis, which famously only happened once, the debt ceiling has been adjusted 78 times since 1960.

And every time, it’s the same debate. Democrats want to raise the debt ceiling, hoping that one day this thing will figure itself out. Across the aisle, Republicans want to take a hard line, even if that means defaulting on the national debt.

From the Republican standpoint, we can always make more money. There are always new wars to start and countries with exciting stores of natural resources that can be plundered.

What happened with this most recent debt ceiling is the same thing that always happens.

Democrats squeak out a win, the debt ceiling is begrudgingly raised. Republicans are soured, nonsensically, simultaneously crying out for lower taxes and less national debt.

Everyone goes home without really getting what they wanted. We all go back to our lives. America trucks on.

But what does this all mean for crypto?

Well, when the debt ceiling is raised, more money is printed. That means that the treasury is forced to circulate more money and further weaken the American dollar.

And that great decoupling everyone was excited about for years? When Bitcoin and other crypto’s behavior would entirely diverge from centralized finance?

Well, that’s already happened. Crypto and the NASDAQ’s behavior no longer seems to be tied at all. One can rise while the other falls, centralized finance and decentralized finance are operating as they should, independently.

Crypto has already demonstrated its potential as an inflation hedge, like gold.

That means that as confidence in the American economy plummets, crypto’s value is only going to rise, proportionally.

And though yes, our bumbling politicians have floundered their way through another debt ceiling crisis, it’s been a clear signal to everyone that the economy is not doing great.

Even though the problem was resolved, the cracks are showing.

The debt ceiling was raised and reconstructed with some last-minute toothpaste application and we all know you can’t put toothpaste back in the tube.

It’s extremely likely that the market’s reaction will trigger another crypto bull run.

So dust off your matador’s cape and give a big, Spanish salute to the cowards of centralized finance who are content to sit on the sidelines with the status quo.

We’re gonna be running with the bulls, baby.

Meme of the Day

Crypto 101

Futures: As we mentioned in an earlier espresso shot, futures, when it comes to finance, are contracts that pertain to the future price of an asset.

Futures contracts function the same whether they concern crypto or stocks.

The crux of a futures agreement is that the participant has agreed to either buy or sell an asset at a predetermined price at a predetermined date.

This framework allows for some really interesting derivatives plays and options, whether you’re an institutional trader on Wall Street or an independent day trader with dreams of greatness.

The Last Sip

Here are three more time-traveling shenanigans we would engage in if Coinbase was hawking pasts instead of futures.

• Prevent the most famous assassinations and commit new ones to push the world both toward decentralization and widespread adoption of bidet technology.

• Buy tickets to that Bill Burr show in Philadelphia when he lost his temper and went completely off book and just trashed Philly for 11 minutes straight.

• Try not to date or seduce our ancestors.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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