Are you experiencing Cyber Monday buyer’s remorse? Lean into your charitable side, cause it’s Giving Tuesday.

Today, you’re supposed to give money to charities and community organizers. As if you didn’t just take care of all your holiday shopping yesterday! Are we made of money!?

Whatever. Don’t let them pressure you. Let us pressure you into reading today’s headlines.

Espresso Shots

☕️ TIME President Leaves to Join Crypto Payment App 💳 💰

TIME President Keith Grossman has announced that he intends to leave the media firm to join MoonPay, a crypto payments startup firm.

MoonPay allows users to exchange cryptocurrencies with mainstream payment methods such as debit and credit cards as well as Apple Pay.

During Grossman’s, uh, time at TIME, he pushed the media firm to adapt Web3 practices. TIME accepts crypto for TIME magazine subscriptions and has significant Ethereum holdings.

Though the president of TIME is resigning, there have been no official statements from the president of DEATH or the president of WATER.

Though rumors have been swirling that they think TIME is moving a little too fast.

☕️ The Bahamian Press Conference on SBF 🌴 🎤

Ryan Pinder, the Attorney General for the Bahamas, gave a press conference on Sunday to directly address Sam Bankman-Fried and the FTX debacle.

Pinder asserted that Bahamian officials "will continue to investigate the facts and circumstances regarding FTX’s insolvency crisis," this includes potential criminal violations.

This was also an attempt to clear up the Bahamas’ reputation internationally, which has taken something of a hit with those alleging FTX used the country to skirt regulation.

“The world is full of countries in which there is no legislative or regulatory authority over the crypto and digital asset business, but the Bahamas is not one of these countries.”

The numbers show that this was the most watched press conference since the island nation urged tourists to stop digging for buried pirate treasure on their beaches.

☕️ FTX Contagion Spreading 🩸 🦠

It’s like it’s 2011 and Matt Damon’s medical thriller just had the box office everyone hoped for. Yes, “Contagion,” is on everyone’s lips.

Crypto Lender BlockFi has just filed for bankruptcy.

BlockFi had about $250 million in revolving credit with FTX and now they’re very, very sick. BlockFi will be laying off a significant portion of their staff while they somehow try to get everybody their money back.

In an official statement released on Monday morning, Blockfi stated that they:

“Will focus on recovering all obligations owed to BlockFi by its counterparties, including FTX and associated corporate entities.”

This news is sad, but not unexpected, as we couldn’t help but notice BlockFi coughing blood into a scrunched up handkerchief at the beginning of the movie.

Spilling the Beans

Crypto Vigilantes Hunt SBF in The Bahamas 🚨🌴

Naturally, Sam Bankman-Fried has become the literal and metaphorical fall guy for the FTX debacle.

But online name-calling and armchair psychological-assessments aren’t enough for some Crypto pundits.

They have questions and they want answers. Face-to-face.

Ben Armstrong aka BitBoy of BitBoy Crypto, a popular youtube channel, went physically searching Bankman-Fried in Albany Resort, the ex-billionaire’s gated community in the Bahamas.

Bitboy even went so far as to try to enter a Bahamian property purportedly owned by SBF’s parents.

Bitboy’s livestream was interrupted when he was eventually forced to leave by security, but he’s not on this mission alone.

Another Youtuber, Gabriel Haines, has had a longtime beef with Bankman-Fried. Haines has posted countless viral rants against the once-head of FTX on his channel.

But Haines, unlike Bitboy, has managed to make other people pay for his trip to the Bahamas.

In a rapidly successful crowdfunding effort, Haines raised $10,000 to fly himself and his family to the Bahamas.

The campaign was actually created by Joseph Schiarazzi, a fan of Haines.

Schiarizzi offered a custom NFT, Haine’s profile picture with a Sherlock-Holmes-style deerstalker cap and magnifying glass, to anyone who contributed .1 Eth or more.

This story is still developing as Haines is currently on route to the Bahamas for some “hard-hitting” journalism.

The rest of his family, it seems, will just be enjoying a nice, beach vacation while their eccentric father tries to hold a man-child accountable for millions in losses.

These wannabe crypto sleuths remind us of the shark hunters who flocked to Amity in the first half of Jaws. The ones with shotguns and motorboats, who accomplished nothing but fishing the wrong sharks and making beach-goers nervous.

If the crypto community hopes to hold Sam Bankman-Fried accountable, they’re gonna need a bigger boat.

Meme of the Day

SBF! SBF! Come out to plaaaaAAAAAaaay!

The Last Sip

Instead of Thanksgiving leftovers, these are the kind of treats that SBF may enjoy in prison.

• Toilet Merlot: a resourceful, full-bodied red with a… fragrant bouquet.

• Jail Tamales: crushed up flamin’ hot cheetos and fritos, just add hot water

• Ramen: the staple among college kids has replaced the cigarette as currency.

• Prison Latte: A packet of maple syrup in a cup of instant coffee. Prisons run on Dunkin’.

• Pad Thai: ^See the ramen above, now just add peanut butter and hot sauce.

How do we know about all these? A judge hit us with 25-to-life for a violent, hostile takeover of a rival newsletter. But we’re out on good behavior. For now.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.