Hey, we’re not feeling so good.

We’ve been wearing dark clothes, listening to sad songs, and sometimes we call our moms just to sigh.

What’s going on with us? We’re not acting like the Coffee & Crypto you know and love.

Yes, this is a cry for help. We need attention and a long hug because we’re haunted by the failures of our past.

But is it too late to set things right?

A Word Foam Our Sponsor

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Espresso Shots

☕️ Terra Cites Ripple, Shot Down By SEC 🔻 🌊

The Ripple Ruling set a powerful precedent for the many, ongoing court cases regarding crypto.

It was only a matter of time before the Ripple ruling served as precedent in court and it’s already happened.

Terraform’s defense lawyers cited Ripple in their latest filing, but the SEC shot back with documents claiming the Ripple decision was incorrect and should be appealed.

“Contrary to Ripple’s assertions, much of the ruling supports the SEC’s claims in this case,” the documents read. “Those portions of Ripple were wrongly decided, and this court should not follow them.”

It would appear that the SEC is using the ancient, legal strategy of “actually that’s not how we remember it at all.”

☕️ HAMS Token Racing 🪙 🏎

HAMS Token, a hamster-themed token, has been surging this week because of the skyrocketing popularity of… hamster races.

HAMS is the native token of hamsters.gg, a platform that allows users to, yes, that’s right, bet on virtual hamster races.

Like any competitive racing world, its created a spicy, secondary gambling market. And that’s what caused HAMS to soar up 783% on July 20, vastly outperforming BTC and other major crypto.

Hamster racing may seem like the latest, strangest narrative in crypto, but it made some lucky hamster-racing enthusiasts a lot of money.

Now, the lifespan of an average Petco hamster is about three weeks, but a first-place finish on the track? That glory is eternal.

☕️ The FTX Bunker? 🏭 🪙

As the case against Sam Bankman-Fried and FTX gets underway, a strange, new detail has emerged.

The FTX Foundation, the nonprofit division of FTX, intended to purchase the island nation of Nauru to construct a bunker that would survive a nuclear holocaust.

This mission was detailed in a memo between Gabriel Bankman-Fried, SBF’s brother, and an unnamed FTX officer.

But the weirdness doesn’t stop there. The memo also contained plans to “develop ‘sensible regulation around human genetic enhancement,’” by building a lab on Nauru, according to a Decrypt report.

Though the bunker was never constructed, we imagine that the fallout shelter would have higher ceilings to accommodate the denizens’ genetically superior Bankman-Fried afros.

Spilling the Beans

This Is a Cry For Help 🙏 😭

FOMO.

This term came around in 2013. And what started as an acronym to describe the feeling of your roommate going to a frat party while you had to study became one of the ultimate truisms of the crypto space.

The crypto market is volatile. Coins will rise and fall like the changing tides. Well, actually tides are pretty easy to predict. Maybe crypto’s more like mudslides. Or uh, lightning.

Metaphors aside, recently, we’ve been kicking ourselves for not holding, or not holding enough, XRP.

Who could have predicted the outcome of that court case? It’s a pleasant surprise, and good for crypto, but we sure wish we got rich off of it.

But that’s not the FOMO that has us waking up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, agonizing over what could have been.

No, that would be FTX and crypto winter.

Yes, we were in the trenches with you on that one. We all took big hits when the market crashed. We urged ourselves to keep our heads up and hold steady.

But if we could go back in time, more than anything, we wish we’d doubled down.

Bitcoin was at $17,000! And now it’s back to roughly $30,000.

During crypto winter, it didn’t feel like a question of profit, but of survival. It sounds like blasphemy, but at the time, we felt we would have been happy to just break even and leave crypto.

But if we had been thinking big picture instead of minute-to-minute, we would have bought the ultimate dip, and we’d be entering crypto summer with our pockets fat and happy.

Now, you might have the same regrets. You might even still be harboring those darker feelings, that as soon as you make your money back, you’re going to leave this madhouse and get back to putting your cash under your mattress.

But there’s a simple method you can use to take charge of your crypto investments and abandon despair.

It’s called DCA, or “Dollar Cost Averaging.” It’s usually applied to Bitcoin, but it will work on any crypto of your choosing.

You take the amount you want to invest, separate that into twelve equal parts, and then use each part to purchase the equivalent amount of your chosen crypto, month after month, for a year.

That’s it.

And yes, like any long-term investment, it can be alarming when the price falls. But keep calm, keep putting that same amount in, and you’re sure to average out and lower your purchase price.

Now, if you don’t get involved in DCA, you’ll just have another missed opportunity to add to your hole of self-pity and regret.

But you can’t use our hole of self-pity. It’s literally full. You’ll have to dig a new one.

Premium Market Report

Meme of the Day

It’s probably for the best it didn’t pan out… 😅

Crypto 101

Zero Confirmation: This is simply any transaction that has yet to be recorded and added to the blockchain.

Essentially, this transaction has been initiated, but it has yet to be confirmed by the blockchain’s miners.

The Last Sip

We’re going to be vulnerable here and tell your our biggest regrets other than not buying the crypto winter dip.

3. Not asking Gretchen Lauper to the prom. We found out years later she liked us, but our acne was still clearing up and we just didn’t have the confidence for a public, hallway conversation.

2. Our failed fashion line of men’s low-rise jeans.

1. Missing the window to illegally enter a faster, more streamlined gerbil in the hamster.gg races.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.