☕️ Coinbase's No Good, Very Bad Day 😳 📉

Crypto winter hits Coinbase with a flurry of layoffs ❄️ 😳

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It’s January 11th, the anniversary of Amelia Earhart’s groundbreaking flight to Hawaii. Earhart was the first person to successfully solo the 2,408 mile trip from the U.S. mainland to Hawaii.

At Coffee & Crypto, we consider Earhart a contemporary. Though our Deep Dives are Op-Ed examinations of the day’s big crypto stories, Earhart’s Deep Dives involve plunging her biplane to the bottom of the ocean floor.

So, let’s give our rotors a start-up spin and boldly fly into today’s news. Hopefully our bodies will be recovered.

And speaking of taking flight, make sure to check out the trailer for our upcoming Coffee & Crypto Podcast! Our podcast brings together all the voices that make this newsletter as funny, informative, and off the rails as it is! Check it out:

Well reader, it's happening. We're aging as a newsletter, and like every twenty-something, we’ve been faced with the opportunity to sell out.

So, with no further ado... A Word Foam Our Sponsors.

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Espresso Shots

☕️ Tensions Escalate in the Gemini-Genesis Battle 🏴‍☠️ ☄️

The Winklevoss twins fired their latest salvo in their ongoing war with Genesis by ending their Master Loan Agreement between their customers and Genesis.

This officially terminates the Earn Program and requires Genesis to return all assets outstanding in the program.”

The Earn Program, of course, was the target of a recent lawsuit against Gemini, from customers unable to withdraw funds that had become embroiled with Genesis.

We’ll do a deep dive on the Winkle-wars tomorrow, but we believe that the Winklevoss twins are rowing furiously towards Barry Silbert’s massive, Greek vacation house. They have viking helmets on and they’re chanting in perfect unison.

☕️ Metaverse Tech Steals the Show 📸 📺

A new Metaverse headset was the true showstopper at the annual Consumer Electronics Show held in Las Vegas.

HTC’s new Vive XR Elite is an industry defining headset with state of the art VR and AR tech, advertised as the, “gateway to the metaverse.”

Though, we’ve noticed that much of the planned content of the Metaverse has been based around renter’s agreements and insurance advice.

It seems that the current efforts have been more focused on a brutal, profit-driven rendering of reality rather than a fantastical escape.

Based on these trends, we expect that the Vive XR Elite headset will allow you to contract digital poison ivy and stub your toe on the coffee table at 60 fps.

☕️ Twitter's Awards & Coins 🏆 💰

Twitter is currently developing a new, “Awards” feature that will allow users to present individual tweets with Awards that contain “Coins.”

The Coins will use fiat currency and be processed through Stripe Payments. The use of the coins seems very similar to Reddit Coins which are used to show appreciation. 

This is just the latest sign that Twitter is looking for new ways to monetize their platform without purely relying on ads.

At present, this feature seems unlikely to have anything to do with crypto. Though Stripe does allow for crypto payments in some cases, so there may be a way to purchase Twitter Coin with crypto. 

This new feature should add a nice, spicy release of endorphins to an already addicting formula, like betting your mortgage on your favorite sports team.

Spilling the Beans

Crypto Winter Hits Coinbase ❄️

We thought we had left the coldest days of crypto winter and the biggest layoffs back in 2022, but, to quote Smash Mouth, it seems the L’s keep comin’ and they won’t stop comin’.

Nobody is safe from crypto contagion and the fallout from FTX. Like one of them new-fangled Daniel Craig whodunits, everybody’s a suspect and no business seems totally secure.

It saddens us to announce that the contagion and layoffs have come for fan-favorite, Coinbase.

Coinbase has announced that it has been forced to layoff 950 employees as a part of corporate restructuring.

This would equal about 20% of Coinbase’s 4,700 person workforce.

Coinbase estimates that this restructuring will cost between $149 million to $163 million. With $58 to $68 million alone spent on severance for those 950 employees.

The filing that Coinbase submitted to the SEC states that the decision was the result of, “ongoing market conditions impacting the crypto economy.”

In short, Coinbase is just the latest victim of crypto winter.

But Coinbase isn’t the only crypto titan to take a recent beating.

Binance has been hemorrhaging assets. With $12 billion in liquidity gone in the past 60 days.

Investors have been pulling up stakes and withdrawing their holdings from Binance.

Unfortunately, this lack of trust in crypto exchanges seems like the only natural reaction to the toppling of the FTX tower.

Changpeng Zhao has publicly warned of the dangers of self-custody.

In late 2022, CZ went live on Twitter to claim, “For most people, for 99% of people today, asking them to hold crypto on their own, they will end up losing it.”

Despite how well-intentioned CZ’s advice may be, as the CEO of Binance, he’s hardly an unbiased source.

It’s kind of like Laxman Narasimhan, the CEO of Starbucks, going live on Twitter to warn the public that 99% of consumers will poison themselves trying to make coffee at home.

Regardless of any attempts at public outreach, it’s been a rough couple months for crypto.

It seems that even the largest, most established companies are taking big hits. 

We wouldn’t be half-surprised to discover this extends far outside the crypto space as the McDonald’s company announces they’ve been forced to permanently liquidate the McRib due to FTX contagion.

Meme of the Day

Are you okay, crypto? You don't look great. 

The Last Sip

Here are the three other groundbreaking functions that the new HTC Vive XR Elite headset will allow users to experience in the Metaverse:

Dualshock, touchpad sensitive thigh chafing.

4K Retina HD oral herpes outbreaks.

First Person, decision-driven gameplay that always results in your parents telling you the divorce was your fault and somehow they’re both mad and disappointed.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.