This weekend is New Years Eve, or as we hardened boozers at Coffee & Crypto call it, “Amateur Night.”

The clock’s tickin’, so gulp that champagne and be ready to write the wrong year on the next several weeks of paperwork. Ball’s dropping in 3… 2… 1…

Espresso Shots

☕️ Bitcoin Enthusiast Slain by Climate Activist 🌴 🗡 

Yesterday, Andrew Tate, kickboxer and Bitcoin enthusiast decided to start beef with Greta Thunberg and things didn’t go as planned.

Sorry if that headline’s a little misleading, we don’t mean literally murdered so much as metaphorically reducing another person’s soul and to shattered shards of ego.

But as some Twitter uses have pointed out, Thunberg’s “epic clap back” actually suggests that her email is [email protected]. Which is no bueno. 

So, who has the small penis? Who truly needs to get a life? This whole spat has left us with more questions than answers.

Also, and this is real! Hours later, Andrew Tate and his brother were arrested by Romanian police for human trafficking violations. That's not a joke, that's a real thing that happened last night. Insane, right? 

☕️ Nouns NFTs to be Featured in Rose Parade 🌹 🚗

The Nouns NFT will be featured in this year’s Rose Bowl Parade next week, with their own float and costumed characters.

It’s exciting to see NFT representation so mainstream, outside of Superbowl commercials or changing stadium names.

We’re excited, but frankly the costumes look eerily similar to our sleep paralysis demons.

The Nouns’ presence in the parade will surely push the agenda of further confusing the American public about what exactly an NFT is.

We can already hear fathers comforting their crying children. “No, no, it’s okay. They’re NFTs. They can’t hurt you. I think.”

☕️  Dogecoin Dog Has Cancer 🦠 🐕

The real life Shiba Inu featured on Dogecoin has been diagnosed with cancer.

The 17-year old dog’s owner, Atusko Sato of Japan, said that her famous Shiba Inu, Kabuso, has been diagnosed with chronic lymphoma leukemia and acute cholangiohepatitis, a condition of the liver.

Kabuso is in rough condition, but hopefully will improve with antibiotics.

We’re not going to make jokes about this one. It’s very sad when old dogs get sick.

(Just kidding, we’ll just hide our jokes in the deep dive. Keep reading. You’ll see.)

Spilling the Beans

What's coming in 2023?? 🔮

We promised you some fortune telling and we won’t keep you waiting any longer.

Here are our predictions for crypto in 2023:

Nouns are gonna get big. Like really big. Like bigger than they are.

I know we were just making fun of how weird those costumes for the Rose Bowl Parade look, but these NFTs are getting pretty popular.

With their unique look, media presence, and backed by a DAO with a charitable mission, we could see these bad boys (and girls, and indeterminate genders) skyrocketing in 2023.

Sam Bankman-Fried will go to jail.

Yeah, for sure. There was too much money lost and this case was too high-profile for our boy to get out of this jam.

But our prediction? Regardless of the sentencing, he’ll end up spending a few years in jail at a minimum security prison. 

That’s usually how white-collar crime in this country works.

Crypto Regulation will be a hot topic in the next Election Cycle.

We’re feeling pretty certain that crypto will be a hot button issue as we approach the primaries.

Candidates should be prepared to answer questions like: “What are your thoughts on crypto regulation in the U.S.?” “Do you understand how the blockchain works?” “Do you know what crypto is?” “Do you fear it?”

That dog is going to die...

You know the one. The Dogecoin Shiba Inu from earlier. K-something. 

Not even late in the year either. We’re saying a couple weeks into January.

And don’t call us callous. That dog is 17-years-old and has leukemia. That’s 119 in dog years. That’s beyond a full life. That’s vampire territory.

But someone has to warn the Japanese not to bury her in the ground beyond that old pet cemetery. That soil’s turned.

Meme of the Day

Oh god, the nouns are coming to beat us up, how the tables have turned.

The Last Sip

Honestly, don’t buy champagne this year. It’s either stupid expensive (Why is the cheapest Dom Perignon currently going for $276?) or it’s the cheap stuff that tastes like the urine of sour apples (looking at you, André).

Instead of looking to the Champagne region of France, you should be looking to the Alsace.

The Alsace region is mostly known for its Riesling, but their sparkling wines are as delicious as the finest champagne at a fraction of the cost.

Just looking out for ya. Drink up and Happy New Year!

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

Thanks so much for reading Coffee & Crypto!

If you find yourself smiling at any of our dumb jokes, or even *learning* something - make sure to share this newsletter with your friends!

If you get 10 friends to sign up - or even enemies, we don't care - we'll send you a swag box with some epic Coffee & Crypto merch! Just hit the Click to Share button in the section below to get started!

DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.