Are you wearing a wire? We need to know we can trust you.

We’re sorry. You have to get naked. It’s embarrassing, but we all did it. Think of it as a bonding exercise.

The new security measures? It’s because there’s a new exchange on the scene and it's firing off all of our bullshit alarms. We’re not sure who we can trust anymore.

Oh, and your sock’s back there. Behind the coffee table.

Well, it’s finally happened. Coffee & Crypto is growing up. We’ve reached our later adolescent years and we’re in desperate need of a makeover.

But before we commit, we thought we’d get some feedback from those who know us best: our readers.

So let us know below! Which look do you think suits us best?

Espresso Shots

☕️ Bitcoin Approaches Year-Long High ☁ 🪙

Bitcoin shot past the $30,000 mark in recent days.

This bump was most likely generated by factors like the launch of Wall-Street-backed EDX Markets, in addition to BlackRock’s spot Bitcoin ETF Application sending more large asset managers hurtling toward crypto.

If Bitcoin surpasses the $30,365 price point, this will mark BTC’s year-long high, according to data from CoinGecko.

Which is very different from the year-long high my cousin Craig suffered through when he ate a tray of pot brownies.

☕️ German Feds Using NFTs to Recruit 👾 🇩🇪

The German intelligence agency Bundesnachrichtendienst (BND), is using an NFT collection to entice youth to enlist in their cybercrime division.

The NFTs feature anthropomorphic German shepherds, much in the style of the Bored Apes collection.

It appears that even foreign intelligence agencies aren’t immune from cringey promotional attempts to make Gen Z a captive audience.

Police agencies using dogs as mascots should consider the failure of America’s McGruff the Crime dog in keeping our country’s youth off drugs. Youth such as my cousin Craig.

☕️ Brooklyn Spa Gets Steamy with BTC 🛁 🪙

BATHHOUSE, a trendy Brooklyn spa, is heating its pools using an unorthodox method… the excess heat from Bitcoin mining.

That’s right, a hip spa in Brooklyn is using runoff heat from Bitcoin mining rigs to heat their tubs. This allows spa-goers to support the blockchain with the least possible amount of effort.

But the public reaction has been mixed.

One user commented on BATHHOUSE’s Instagram account that “This makes me like Bathhouse less. Now I’m concerned about who is mining this cryptocurrency, who is profiting from it, and whether I support that. We’re gonna need some transparency.”

Others seemed all for it, with one commenting, “Thank you for securing the network, helping resist authoritarianism, and bringing financial freedom to people while you heat your pools!”

Though it may seem gimmicky, it’s actually not the spa’s biggest moneymaker. That would be selling the bathwater of celebrity walk-ins.

Spilling the Beans

You Can't Trust This Exchange ❌ 📉

Not all exchanges are created equal.

We wish we could go back and time and stop people from buying into FTX.

It’s literally, like, the only thing we’d do with a time machine.

So, when an exchange arouses our suspicions, we feel it’s our duty to fill you in.

EDX Markets has created quite a stir in crypto.

It became operational this week and is backed by some of the biggest names on Wall Street, including Citadel, Charles Schwab, and Fidelity.

And yes, as we mentioned in the top espresso shot, this news has been tremendous for the price of Bitcoin.

But this is like when your older brother came home from college and announced that he’s dropping out to open up a seafood restaurant.

It’s big news for the family but not something you necessarily want to get involved in.

Because one of those funds, one plastered at the top of every press release around EDX Markets, immediately draws our suspicion.

And that’s Citadel.

Citadel’s CEO Ken Griffin, may have been very much involved in halting the Gamestop short squeeze in 2021.

If you remember, Redditors, YouTubers, and other independent investors came together to buy and hold the heavily shorted Gamestop stock in a comically effective scheme to force a short-squeeze.

And it worked for a while. It worked well enough that Ken Griffin and Citadel put a stop to it by reportedly halting the trading of Gamestop shares on Robinhood.

The Gamestop short squeeze was such a compelling, ridiculous story that it’s been announced that a financial comedy, “Dumb Money,” starring Paul Dano, will be released in 2023.

Ken Griffin will be played by Nick Offerman and we’re about 1,000% sure he’ll be the film’s villain.

In addition to a track record of stepping on the little guy, Ken Griffin has stepped on crypto.

Griffin once called crypto “a jihadist call” against the American dollar, criticizing the time and energy spent on the industry.

In a 2022 appearance at the Milken Institute Global Conference, Griffin also claimed that he steered Citadel away from crypto because:

• It’s difficult to build to the level of rigor that we would want to build to. Things like ensuring that we’re not a party to a transaction with North Korea are really important to us [...] They may not be to our competitors, but I’m not gonna help fund the North Koreans with their various ventures by mistakenly buying their cryptocurrency.

Griffin has since admitted he was wrong. About the Jihadist thing, at least.

But it’s surprising, if we’re being generous, that a man who once felt so strongly would now be all-in on a crypto exchange.

But even without telling anecdotes such as Griffin’s, we should be wary of EDX Markets.

Because what other than an opportunity for profit could make you change your tune that fast?

Hey, we like making money.

But crypto has something that TradFi doesn’t. And that’s a loftier goal than owning a beach house in the Hamptons.

The ideology of Wall Street is “make money.” That’s it.

They’re not interested in decentralization. They see this as a money-making opportunity and they don’t want to miss out.

What may be good for crypto in the short term may have a deleterious effect on the overall health of the space.

The exchange is very shiny and new, but we’d advise investors to proceed with caution. Wall Street famously has never had the little guy’s best interests at heart.

Crypto decoupled from Wall Street because our goals were not, as some would say, aligned.

And we intended to treat this new exchange just like any other frequently bloody-nosed stock broker at a party for a mutual friend.

At best, with caution, and at worst, with disdain.

Meme of the Day

Leave it to New York to make the most of limited space. 📦

Crypto 101

Bitcoin Cash: Remember those forks we covered yesterday?

Bitcoin Cash is an example of a “hard fork.” Bitcoin Cash resulted as a fork of the Bitcoin blockchain and became a separate crypto entirely.

They’re similar, but Bitcoin Cash has a larger block than Bitcoin, which allows for more transactions to be processed and potentially lower transaction fees.

The Last Sip

Bitcoin Mining is being used to warm the tubs of Brooklyn spa-goers, we thought of three better uses for that excess heat.

3. Keeping breakfast buffet Hollandaise sauce at just the right temperature for bacteria to grow.

2. Fueling a roaring gas fireplace in the ski chateau you purchased with the revenue from your unlicensed, subterranean Bitcoin mine.

1. Literally warming up your Coffee with Crypto.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.