On the 2nd day of Cryptmas my true love gave to me, two failing exchanges and a bored ape and a gas fee.

See! See what we’re doing!? Excited yet?

Espresso Shots

☕️ Coinbase Revenue Plummets 📉 ❌

Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong broke the bad news on Bloomberg TV this week.

Last year, Coinbase saw over $7 billion in revenue and nearly $4 billion in profits. Armstrong said “it’s looking, you know, about roughly half that or less.”

This is just the latest let down for Coinbase, a company that has laid off over 1,100 workers and seen its stock collapse 85% over the past 12 months.

Armstrong has been quick to call out FTX’s role in this prolonged bear market, calling their collapse “a black mark for the industry.”

This is the most disappointed we’ve been by an Armstrong since Lance told us his remaining ball was powered by anabolic steroids.

☕️ The A24 of Web3 is Coming. Maybe. 🎥 🍿

Do you remember that Netflix Black Mirror movie where you could vote on what happened in the next scene? Well - what if that was a whole streaming platform?

In some small way, Shibuya - a small NFT platform - is exploring that idea.

Shibuya allows users to purchase an NFT that both funds a piece of content and allows the owner to vote on the direction that content takes.

While the platform has found some small success, Shibuya hopes to accelerate growth with the $6.9 million they’ve now raised through investors like a16z, Paris Hilton and Kevin Durant.

Shibuya co-founder Pplpleaser says she wants the company to be the “A24 of Web3.”

We like movies and we’re excited by this development, but Pplpleaser needs to stop focusing on what others think and just work on themselves.

☕️ Crypto for Christmas? 🎄🎁

Maybe this Christmas you’re thinking about the gift that keeps on giving.

That’s right, giving your friends and loved ones the beautiful investment of cryptocurrency.

And this Christmas may actually be huge for Bitcoin. Dave the Wave, The Twitter Guru who predicted the 2021 crypto crash, thinks we’re poised for a Bitcoin rally this holiday season.

This yuletide season, get everybody on your shopping list introduced to sweet gains.

But also maybe get them a physical gift. I have clear memories of Christmas 1997, when my grandmother gave me and all of my cousins the thoughtful gift of AT&T stocks.

Stick with toys for those under 10, you’ll save yourself a lot of polite, confused smiles.

Spilling the Beans

How Bad Did Crypto Hurt You? 😭

The SEC is requiring that public companies reveal to their investors if they’ve suffered under the recent crypto turbulence.

“Recent bankruptcies and financial distress among crypto asset market participants have caused widespread disruption in those markets,” read an official statement from the SEC’s Division of Corporation Finance.

“Companies may have disclosure obligations under the federal securities law related to the direct or indirect impact that these events and collateral events have had or may have had on their business.”

This is just the latest in the SEC’s long standoff with the crypto industry. SEC regulations on crypto have been... murky at best.

This mandate for US-based industries is just the latest skirmish in SEC Head Gary Gensler’s long war on crypto.

Gensler hasn’t been afraid to call on company after company for failing to properly register their tokens as securities. Though Gensler and the SEC have conspicuously avoided tackling anything to do with the FTX collapse.

“If the SEC has the authority Mr. Gensler claims, why did he fail to uncover the largest Ponzi scheme in US history?” said Rep. Ritchie in a letter regarding the SEC’s failure with FTX. “One cannot have it both ways, asserting authority while avoiding accountability.”

Now, ironically, the SEC wants to hold every company accountable for disclosing whatever losses they may have incurred in the recent crypto chaos.

We think that if Target, GE, and McDonalds reveal to their investors how badly they got burned in this year’s crypto fallout, their investors aren’t going to be disgusted and run for the hills.

Their investors are going to put their arms on the shoulders of these American corporate monstrosities and whisper a heartfelt, “me too, buddy, me too.”

Gary Gensler also intends to ask American crypto companies if they’ve, “ever felt personally victimized by Regina George.” And they better tell their investors.

Meme of the Day

Don't get 8 year olds crypto for Christmas. It will not go well.

The Last Sip

Other than coffee, there’s one beverage on everyone’s minds this season.

Eggnog. What is it? Where did it come from? How is it so delicious?

Eggnog is a boozy, frothy delight going back to the 1600s. Before eggnog, it was actually called, “Milk punch.” Gnarly. And as far as the current name, we get the egg part, but where did nog come from?

Nog stems from “Noggin,” a term from the Middle ages that means a carved, wooden mug.

So, let’s raise our noggins to the holidays and having a little too much “milk punch” around our family. We’ll need it.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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