Birthdays. 

You should have the important ones committed to memory. But without constantly going on Facebook, those old college roommates, ex-coworkers, and children of your parent’s friends are mostly going to fall by the wayside.

But there’s something to be said for the belated birthday wish. It says you still care and you’re still trying. All this to say, we’re sorry Bitcoin. We’re pretty late on your birthday, but you’re never far from our thoughts.

Time to blow out the half-melted candles on a very stale birthday cake, it’s Bitcoin’s Belated Birthday!

Espresso Shots

☕️ E-Comm Embraces NFTs 🛍️ 🛒

E-commerce giant Shopify made waves on Thursday with a new tool that helps merchants mint and sell NFTs directly through their storefronts.

This is a pronounced change in the standard NFT purchase flow, which has required pointing users to an external NFT marketplace like Opensea or Looksrare.

This new feature comes from Venly - a blockchain startup with a Shopify app. At the moment, this feature only supports NFTs minted on Avalanche but has impressive tools for onboarding users.

Venly allows purchasers to pay with a credit card or debit card and then creates an NFT wallet for them. It also has tools for merchants to create token-gated experiences.

We’re already looking forward to patiently explaining the difference between Venly and Venmo to our parents.

☕️ New York AG Sues Former Celsius CEO 🌡️ 👩‍⚖️

New York’s Attorney General Letitia James has had no shortage of high profile cases.

James led the investigation that incriminated the Trump Organization as well as the investigation that led to the resignation of former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo.

Her latest target? Former Celsius CEO, Alex Mashinsky. James is suing Mashinsky for defrauding investors and lying about the financial stability of Celsius.

James is seeking to bar Mashinksy from conducting business within the state, as well as to recover funds on behalf of the New York based investors who lost their money on Celsius.

James has said over 26,000 New Yorkers lost money due to Celsius’s high risk investments and Mashinsky’s deceptive statements and lies.

Though this is a drop in the bucket compared to the 52,000 New Yorkers who lost pizza to rats the size of dogs.

☕️ Genesis Lays Off An Additional 30% Staff 🗑️ 🪓

When it rains, it pours. And it is pouring at Genesis Global Trading. Genesis Global Trading laid off 30% of its team yesterday.

Genesis Global Trading’s team is now down to 145, after being at 260 in August of 2022.

Meanwhile Genesis Global Capital, the lending arm of the brokerage firm, is still in a stalemate with the Winklevoss twins who run the crypto exchange Gemini.

Bloomberg reported this week that Genesis is now considering all options, including bankruptcy. If Genesis does collapse, it’s more than likely the ripple effects could take another crypto domino down with it.

Hold on, folks, crypto winter might last a while longer. ❄️

All of this is devastating news for crypto, which got blackout drunk on New Year’s Eve while shouting “new year, new me!” Not yet, buddy, not yet.

Spilling the Beans

The Birth of Bitcoin 👶 🤑

Earlier this week, on January 3rd, Bitcoin turned 14.

It’s a tough age. Bitcoin might be moody and rebellious, but this is a crucial time for the young currency’s development.

But Bitcoin doesn’t have the problems of normal teenagers, like Hannah Montanah, Bitcoin is a famous teenager.

Bitcoin is the Band-aid of crypto. Not so much as it covers up our ouchies, but that its name has become entirely synonymous with the space.

It’s been a thrilling journey, but instead of focusing on who Bitcoin is becoming, we’re going to go back to when Bitcoin was created.

Like the sharpest swords and the biggest monsters, Bitcoin’s creation is Japanese in nature. Sort of.

This is where the history, like Japan itself, gets pretty foggy. Bitcoin was created by Satoshi Nakamoto, an unknown person or group.

In fact, many scholars believe that Nakamoto, like Shakespeare (probably), wasn’t even one man, but an entire team working under the same pseudonym.

But to avoid confusing pronouns and plurals, we’re going to move forward assuming that Satoshi Nakamoto was a single, Japanese man. Single as in individual, not dating status.

You still with us? Cool.

In 2008, Nakamoto registered the domain bitcoin.org and published a paper about the new, online currency he was developing, entitled, “Bitcoin: A Peer-to-Peer Electronic Cash System.”

Then, in 2009, Nakamoto mined the original “genesis block,” and created decentralized history.

That first block had an authentication reward of 50 Bitcoin and was the first block in what would be a years-long chain of self-authentication and authorization.

The first block in the chain, you see where all of this is headed, don’t you?

And the imagery associated with all this computing was of course, a pixelated, gold coin with a double-hashed “B” that we’ve all come to know so well.

But the Bitcoin train took a while to get chugging, it wasn’t until 2010 that the currency was used to actually purchase anything.

The first Bitcoin purchase? Two Papa John’s pizzas for 10,000 BTC exchanged between two programmers. I’m sure they lose their appetite for pizza when those boys think about what that Bitcoin would be worth today.

And speaking of worth, Nakamoto, the father (or fathers) of Bitcoin, is still worth an estimated 1,100,000 BTC. When it was trading at its highest, Nakamoto would have been worth at least $73 billion and the 15th richest person in the world.

Nakamoto, if you’re reading this, it’s safe to come out of hiding. The people of Budapest want to build a statue that actually looks like you.

Meme of the Day

Ew, Bitcoin, are those tissues? 14 year olds are disgusting.

The Last Sip

Bitcoin just turned fourteen. Here are the quintessential birthday presents sure to delight any 14 year old:

3. Fortnite Skins. Just get them a gift card to the Epics Game store. When something goes wrong, maybe you’ll get a payout in the next massive lawsuit.

2. Acne Medication. Their bodies are changing and hormones are rapidly turning their faces into the cratered no man’s land of a WWI battlefield.

1. A Bedroom Door Lock. They’re fourteen. Trust us, it’s time to clear out.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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