Hey Jack, Remember when you could get a pistachio ice cream cone for 15 cents? That was a good summer.

Well, it was a bad summer for civil rights. But that was the day that Delaware realized, uh, it realized it had to change to be better.

Sorry for the Biden stream of consciousness. We thought we'd get you in his headspace before we plunge into his plan to prevent further banking fallout.

Espresso Shots

☕️ Bitcoin Up, Up, Up! 🚀 🌙

On Tuesday, Bitcoin rose past the $26,000 mark, causing some speculators to wonder if this is crypto’s long heralded, “Great Uncoupling.”

“The Great Uncoupling '' is the aspirational event in which Bitcoin’s behavior entirely diverges from the greater stock market. Bitcoin’s recent rally despite widespread inflation, a recession, and numerous bank closures seems to be a potential indicator.

This rally represents a nine month high for BTC. It last fell from these levels in June of 2022.

It’s causing many speculators to believe that the worst days of crypto winter are behind us and even if the Great Uncoupling isn’t quite here, Bitcoin may still be positioned for a true bull run.

We’ve enjoyed saying “The Great Decoupling” in the same voice with which the aliens worship “The Claw” in Toy Story.

☕️ Facebook and Instagram Won’t Have NFTs 💻 🎨

This may come as a surprise to you, but Facebook and Instagram have had NFT functionality for a while. Easy come, easy go.

Meta has announced that it intends to slow down on the neglected NFT features for their most popular social media platforms.

Stephane Kasriel, the head of Commerce and Financial Technologies at Meta, took to Twitter to confirm the product change.

Shutting down these features will allow Meta to shift focus to users’ monetization on their platforms, in much the same way YouTube does.

Meta intends to implement a tipping feature as well as giving users the ability to earn ad revenue on reels.

We’re excited about the tipping. We’ve always wanted to throw our Uncle Craig $3 for commenting something deeply weird on our cousin’s gender reveal post.

☕️ Silicon Valley Bank Under Investigation 🏦 🔍

The circumstances that led to the closure of Silicon Valley Bank are currently under investigation by the SEC and the DOJ.

Though the investigative forces have been characteristically tight-lipped about the proceedings, they have disclosed some information.

The DOJ has deployed its fraud prosecutors out of both Washington and San Francisco.

But a source close to the investigation admitted that it was still very much in its early stages and there may ultimately be no discovery of criminal wrong-doing.

But as with all snooping into bank-related crimes, the DOJ and SEC are primarily on the lookout for Zorro masks and large sacks with dollar signs on them.

Spilling the Beans

Biden's Bank Bailout... 🏦

It’s a decent time to be in crypto, but a bad time to work at a crypto-friendly bank.

With the closures of Silvergate, Silicon Valley, and Signature banks, crypto banks going belly-up is quickly becoming a disturbing trend.

But it’s entirely possible that someone’s going through a registry and just decided to start with “S.”

You’ve noticed that all of these banks start with “S,” right?

We’ve noticed. It can be very confusing. Try not to let it distract you. Anyway.

The collapse of Silicon Valley Bank marked the largest bank failure since Washington Mutual and the 2008 financial crisis.

This is creating some serious Deja Vu for Biden. Biden, of course, was Obama’s Vice President during the fallout of said financial crisis.

Biden had to spend his time negotiating with bank leaders and mortgage brokers who’d destroyed the US economy.

He and the rest of the Obama administration then had to spend all of their political capital shoveling the water out of the US economy and bailing out the banks.

So suffice it to say: this is deeply personal for Biden. He doesn’t want another bank bailout on his resume… and yet, here we are.

So let’s assume the tone in the White House when Biden had to speak to all of this wasn’t elation. Let’s also assume they forbade the use of the word “bailout.”

So when Biden spoke to the country on Monday morning, he chose his words carefully. Biden repeated again and again that, “No losses will be borne by the taxpayers.”

Biden went on to pull one of the essential political moves. He shifted the blame.

“During the Obama-Biden administration, we put in place tough requirements on banks like Silicon Valley Bank and Signature Bank, including the Dodd-Frank Law, to make sure the crisis we saw in 2008 would not happen again. Unfortunately, the last administration rolled back some of these requirements.”

Ah, there it is. While it is true that the Trump administration took several banking regulations off the books, it’s not at all clear that those could’ve prevented these collapses.

But what is particularly interesting is the piece of legislation that Biden chose to mention.

The Dodd-Frank law guarantees a certain level of transparency within the American banking system and essentially lets the government audit a bank at any time.

The Dodd-Frank law was written in 2007 by Representatives Chriss Dodd and Barney Frank.

Barney Frank has since left the US House of Representatives and was sitting on the board of a tiny establishment known as Signature Bank.

If that doesn’t give you an idea of how gross and incestuous the American financial world becomes at the highest levels, we don’t really have any better examples for ya.

But despite jettisoning his career out of lawmaking and into being a Boss-Tweed-style banking fat cat, Frank made a very important point recently.

Frank told CNBC that the closure of Signature Bank was “that regulators wanted to send a very strong anti-crypto message.”

And this is hardly the time for the government to be dismissing the opportunity that crypto can create, particularly in a period marked by high inflation.

Biden shouldn’t be attacking crypto when he’s stuck in a banking bailout, a banking bailout that looks to be entirely of his own making.

Jerome Powell, Chair of the Federal Reserve has hiked rates to an unsustainable level and now banks are stuck with their old low-interest loans that have become worthless.

Now, let’s be clear, this is an insanely complicated financial situation and it’s not entirely fair to blame any one party or individual for it, though many will happily point fingers.

We’re recovering from a Pandemic, record unemployment, record inflation, and we’re printing more money than ever before. It’s a lot.

Unfortunately for Biden, he’s the one in the hot seat. He has to keep people’s faith in their banks, and keep the banks afloat, all while trying to avoid catching the blame for fed rate hikes.

Remarkably, all of this continues to be a textbook proof point for a global decentralized digital economy, one that isn’t subject to the whims of any given individual or bank…

Despite that, Biden is shoving crypto’s helping hand away. Scratch that, biting crypto’s hand, while they’re trapped in a financial hell of their own design.

The likely outcome for all of this is the United States will print more money and our lives will go on, the money in your bank account will still be there… but it will be worth less than it was.

But hey, if all of this seems a little risky for you… honestly consider buying crypto.

If you’d bought the Bitcoin dip after the FTX collapse, you’d be doing pretty damn well right now.

Meme of the Day

I've always wanted to run with the banks...

Crypto 101

Bull Run: A bull run in traditional finance is a period of time in which a stock’s shares are favorably rising in the market.

The same rhetoric applies to crypto and Bitcoin is currently undergoing a lovely bull run.

Just to be clear, this definition of a Bull Run has nothing to do with racing through the streets of Pamplona or the first major battle of the Civil War.

The Last Sip

Here are some fictional Banks that are next in line for closure by American regulators:

• Gringotts Bank: The Goblins are problematic.

• The Iron Bank of Braavos: It’s alway unethical to lock someone in a vault.

• Elizabeth Banks: She’s aging too gracefully. Cancel her.

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.