There are so many financial “gurus” out there who are going to tell you that they’ve discovered a fail-proof way to invest.

It’s a “revolutionary system” that’s going to redefine your investment strategy and reinvigorate your portfolio.

But that’s going to be a lot of smoke and mirrors for them to finally give in and tell you it’s “options,” or “passive income.”

But we’ve got what those carnival barkers don’t have. The real secret to successful investing. And it’s a lot simpler than you may have imagined.

Espresso Shots

☕️ The Rise of the Doge ⬆ 🐶

Since late November, DOGE, everybody’s favorite memecoin, has been absolutely spiking.

Dogecoin’s price has risen 27% in the past week, seemingly tied to Bitcoin’s recent surge.

During that same, seven-day period, the dollar value tied to Dogecoin futures rose a whopping 58% to $625 million.

But remember, if you’re considering putting DOGE under the tree this year for someone special, a dog-themed meme-coin isn’t just a gift, it’s a lifelong commitment.

☕️ Google’s Gemini 🔎 🧚‍♀️

Google has officially launched “Gemini” the search engine giant’s answer to the AI race.

Hoping to give Microsoft-backed ChatGPT a run for its money, Google released three versions of its AI, Gemini Nano, Pro, and Ultra.

Gemini Ultra is the most powerful of the three models, but each is supposedly capable of seamless integration of text, images, audio, and video.

And Gemini Ultra is already making waves, breaking records in the Massive Multitask Language Understanding (MMLU) exams, a test to determine the level of human expertise in an AI.

“No, stop!” screamed the Winklevoss twins as they pounded helplessly against a glass wall somewhere. “Please, you can’t name it that!”

☕️ The Big Shorts ⬆ ⬇

Based on Bitcoin’s recent rebound, crypto shorts have lost out an estimated $2.6 billion in the past three months, based on a new report by S3 partners as reported by Decrypt.

Bitcoin hit a three-month low in September, languishing around the $25,000 mark, but now Bitcoin’s popped back up to $43,785 at the time of writing, roughly a 75% gain.

But many traders didn’t get to ride the wave and shorted crypto stocks too early. Of the $2.6 billion losses incurred, 50% of those were Coinbase shares, and an additional 25% were Microstrategy.

If they’d just waited a little longer, they’d be so much happier.

Which is exactly what my mother told me when she found me crying on the floor in December of 1999. I’d found the Christmas presents early and, in my delirium, eaten several pounds of paper and plastic.

Spilling the Beans

Investing Boldly 📊 😎

Okay, we know, we know.

We had that whole section in the intro recriminating financial types who bury the lede… only for us to do the exact same thing.

But while we’re on the topic, did you know that it’s bury the “lede” not bury the “lead?” Why?

Because in the early days of journalism, lead, the metal, was used in the linotype machine, a crucial part of the printing press. In the mid-20th century, journalists began writing “lede” to avoid confusion.

The more you know. But there we go digressing again.

Look, we’ve made you wait long enough. But if you were starting to suspect that the key to successful investing was “patience” and that this was some sort of Master Yoda/Mr. Miyagi trial to test you, you’d be wrong.

The secret to successful investing in any sector, not just crypto, is courage.

Let us explain.

Back in November of 2022, our staff were all discussing buying Bitcoin. We were all just beginning to understand that FTX has plunged us into the deepest depths of the bear market.

But like a lot of people, we were nervous. Our faith was rattled. It felt like it wasn’t a question of whether we’d all break even on our crypto investments, but if there was even going to be a crypto market by 2023.

But look at Bitcoin now. Bitcoin’s been steadily climbing up and over, to $44,000 and beyond.

If you’d bought BTC back in those dark days of November 2022, you would have tripled your investment.

But how do you pull off triple-digit gains like that? By being bold when other investors are fearful. 

Yes, analysts have been using the Fear and Greed Index to predict stock market movements for decades.

But what we’re saying is that you need to let your greed drive you, not your fear.

It goes beyond simply buying the dip.

Those truly life-changing plays occur from rushing in when everyone’s rushing out. Is it entirely possible that you’ll get burned using this strategy? Absolutely.

But maybe those occasional stings feel a little better than this long game of “woulda, shoulda, coulda” we’ve been playing ever since Bitcoin started this atmospheric bull run.

And on a more practical level, less emotional investing strategy… a little Dollar Cost Averaging never hurt anybody.

It’s the disciplined habit of making the same, moderate investment twelve times a year, regardless of price.

Now, this newsletter doesn’t constitute legal investment advice, so please, take everything you read with a spatter of sea salt.

But remember to be brave, be wise, or maybe be both. We know you have it in you.

Only a truly Coffee & Crypto reader could have pulled that sword out of that hat.

Crypto 101

Notional Open Interest: This is the total number of contracts, such as futures, related to an asset that are owned by investors and ready to be traded.

This number is always relative to the notional value, which is the total value of said asset.

The Last Sip

The Last Sip: Rather than gauge the market with the traditional FUD analysis (Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt) we encourage entering the holiday season with the Coffee & Crypto patented FUD vibe we bring to every happy hour and office Christmas party (Fuck me Up, Dude.)

Stay Caffeinated,

Coffee & Crypto Team

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.